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Updated as of February 27, 2007 The non-existent hospital security fiasco continues. Gee, you’d think they woulda installed some security after Marlena as the serial killer murdered Tony at the hospital but then again she wasn’t really a killer and Tony wasn’t dead and what the heck maybe they is no hospital either …. Awww, grandpa Shawn doesn’t even get to be at the other end of his phone call! Everyone in Salem runs around with the same cup of coffee … Look waaaaay up cos looks like EJ grows an extra inch with every lie … And here’s one from Amy about wonky Willow – of the 1970s disco fever lip gloss fame - saving the life of her hair extensions ... "While Philip is holding Willow overboard - she is hanging on to him for dear life, but lets one hand go for a second to push away her hair in the wind, then grabs back for dear life." NEXT ON DAYS EJ demands that Stefano receive an extra toe, an extra finger and a third eye ... Updated as of February 20, 2007 How many freakin times a year do we have to go through a Sami planned wedding, followed by a let down …!!! And why does it have to get talked about so much? It would be better to have an impulsive elopement, without all the blah blah we’ve heard before. And then lo and behold Kate shows up to ruin it all. Like the year before that and the year before that and the year before that … Give the divas something new, not just something old! Brainwash or no, Steve would never have choked Kayla cos anyone who has properly followed their history knows they overcome all, their love is a powerful thing etc etc … It seems that whoever thought of putting that choking scene in really isn’t one of us! And wouldn’t Celeste have known Sami was with EJ the night John was shot via her psychic ability??? NEXT ON DAYS Steve chokes the wardrobe folks for giving Kayla that 17th century nightshirt … Updated as of February 12, 2007 Outside the Java café, we have white powdery snow on the left, while on the right, an old yellowing rug dumped atop a bush masquerades as snow! Not quite sure what to call the showdown where Steve threatens EJ so EJ blinks and whips out his trusted tarot card … Dog the Bounty Hunter vs. Tarot toting Royal? And that kind of “programming” (the kind where Hugh Grant flashing a British Italian tarot card makes a tough guy into a berserk assassin) is never as successful as shown here. Even the KGB couldn’t force folks to become agents solely based on evil brainwashing techniques … Lastly but not leastly, the ship doctor barely looks old enough to drive, let alone doctor! NEXT ON DAYS Putin revealed as new Days writer … Kayla decks Prince Charles, too … Updated as of February 9, 2007 Kate’s lips are growing by the day! Meanwhile, she and Sami have regressed to 5 years ago. NEXT! Mythic’s investors just sit there like dufuses for a long time after seeing the naughty Kate and EJ footage. Some would surely have left. Oh oh. Like some folks already complained, the lovely but geographically challenged Belle says she and Shawn are from New Brunswick, Nova Scotia – only problem is, New Brunswick ain’t a city or town in Nova Scotia, it’s a neighboring province! By the by, eastern Canada is a great place for a family holiday in summer … P.S. Nice to see Billie got rid of yesterday's Ugly Betty look. NEXT ON DAYS Still under hypnosis, Steve remembers EJ partaking in a Walmart stampede … Sami shows Mythic investors evidence that Kate once had a run in her pantyhose … Kate retaliates by putting Sami's I-cannot-lift-a-beam footage on youtube. Updated as of February 6, 2007 Kate tells Roman she has a video for him, then says he should play the dvd … Sami can’t lift a heavy beam – so y’all need a professor from MIT ta tell ya that? Go back ta school, Kate! Speaking of soap physics 101, ain’t it something how Sami can smash the telephone but nothing happens to it! Are you listening, Mr. MIT …? The bars in Salem jail cells appear to be made of wood, kinda like something out of an old Chuck Norris goes to Vietnam flick. Maybe the MIT prof can fly back to Roman’s office and explain that one, too … NEXT ON DAYS Kate hires a film crew and NASA scientist to prove that Willow can’t walk in high heels, Steve’s patch isn’t real leather, Merle wasn't Canadian anyhow, no one in the Kiriakis clan can speak Greek, and Sami can’t bench press Dog the Bounty Hunter … Updated as of January 31, 2007 Why is it that just about every character who heads to Toronto puts on a knitted hat. You don’t see many of those in Toronto, that’s for sure …. Very bizarre how Lucas practically spits at him and EJ retaliates by offering him a job! Never mind Phil’s knife … at the airport Nick just about loses his pants - literally! It is increasingly evident that Claire never likes being held by Belle. Meanwhile, Shawn tells the drunks to keep down the noise level – and gets their attention with his own loud noise. All the wine glasses in Salem are gold rimmed (Chez Rouge, Chez John Black’s home, etc etc etc). NEXT ON DAYS Willow admits she is part fish, which is why she is prone to dropping her mouth open in a fish-like manner … Nick decides to streak to Canada ... Updated as of January 26, 2007 Um, this draft dodger stuff is odd – and older than maple syrup - as there are few draft dodgers in Canada and the law doesn’t make it easy for them to stay! Why would the writers have Merle state that Russia is a socialist paradise? Was it ever? Were gulags paradise? But he isn’t the only clueless one cos Shawn then mentions the wall coming down, but that was the Berlin wall, which was in Germany, dude, not the Soviet Union! Paging Dr. Love! Nick’s boss is half of a super couple waiting to happen, by golly! But all they let him do is plan for his future with rats. Last but not least, She looks fab but Kate sounds more and more like Gollum of Lord of the Rings! And the new improved EJ goes for a Moses look now that everyone knows he’s a DiMera. This boy needs more villain training from the masters. Yoo-hoo Tony! Stefano! Anyone? NEXT ON DAYS Claire announces she’s staying in Canada on account of the bacon … Kate goes after Precious, the secret DiMera ring … Updated as of January 23, 2007 When is someone gonna realize that Phil is suffering from combat related post traumatic stress disorder …? Oh no! Shawn didn’t think to bring money …? What was Claire supposed to eat?! And ain’t it amazing how Lucas hears about confidential police matters i.e. Lexie lying to the cops, considering he’s a civilian! Speaking of cops, Phil is locked out of sight under the floor yelling for help and our friendly neighborhood Keystone cop tells him to put his hands in the air hehehe! NEXT ON DAYS Shawn, Belle, and Claire become stowaways on the LoveBoat … Marlena suggests Steve try aroma-therapy … Updated as of January 22, 2007 Phil was at Mimi’s door about a half second after Max walked out but didn’t see him, which means of course that Max must have been wearing a cloak of invisibility … Gotta love Abe’s Salem-style Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass. Did Lexie lie? Elementary, my dear Watson! And speaking of the Salem P.D. … a crucial piece of evidence is that John’s watch was smashed when he hit the ground from being shot, but how do they know said watch was on the exact right time anyhow? Kayla has every right to be mad as heck, not cos of Steve, but on account of that 17th century butler’s jacket they made her wear today …! Steve has done his time on set now, dudes, and he has the soul of the Patchman, as we all know, so let him lose the big black thick shiny patch already! NEXT ON DAYS Shawn and Belle take a wrong turn, end up in L.A., and become contestants on The Apprentice - which Claire wins! Updated as of January 16, 2007 What a hoot that everyone in Salem, including Philip, keeps saying he has a different face when in fact that’s the real Philip’s face! And funny how Kate is concerned that Sami hasn’t “changed,” considering Kate hasn’t changed one bit! Ewwww! Never mind the lying testimony and sordid past of Willow, the worst thing about this broad is how she shook her shaggy mane all over Chez Rouge but hey the long thick hair on your plate was on the house! It’s either the contacts or the lighting or the eye drops at fault, though the result is the same - too many Salemites now have a glassy-eyed look … Last but not least, here’s to hoping Phil gets some comfortable clothes to wear around the house ... NEXT ON DAYS Kate is livid when Sami makes the cover of the National Enquirer … Updated as of January 8, 2007 Sami loves Lucas loves Sami – excellent news, now get him outta that dang polka dot nightie already! And how come Santa didn’t get Abby a new jacket for Christmas?! If they keep putting her in that one, might as well rename her Drabby … So, now that Bonnie is gonna leave, she gets an interesting storyline? Go figure. Say, maybe she can give Abby her nice jacket! Looked like Stephanie and Chelsea were squatting on Chloe’s old bed … Sobbing Belle was very believable … but my silly mind kept thinking of that Meryl Streep line “The dingo took my baby!” Last but not least, some of the guys really need to go easier on the lipstick … NEXT ON DAYS Chelsea finds love online with Borat … Updated as of December 26, 2006 Merry Boxing Day to all! Julie says she’s been away – ya think?! The fact is Julie also has a daughter called Lauren in Genoa City (Y&R) and she was with her at Christmas too, so she was in two cities – Salem and Genoa City – on the same day! The clueless but delightful Doug, however, didn’t seem to notice … It’s so cold in Salem but no one wears gloves! Nick Nick Nick! Get thee a good pair of pants and shoes for next year’s Christmas party, ok? And what was up with the macabre Christmas display Max put together, instead of trying to get the heck outta there! Only the skeleton seemed to take the whole thing seriously. Meanwhile, Lucas has truly arrived as part of a supercouple cos as of today they let him use the P word … PROTECT. Ahhhh! NEXT ON DAYS Salemites celebrate Easter, Halloween, and the 4th of July – all on the same day … Patch rewrites the Constitution – for the better! Updated as of December 12, 2006 Buff and tough John sure wears many hats – businessman, ISA agent, pilot, pawn, assassin, vandal, grave robber … But shucks the world has evolved, dude – gals can now “protect” themselves – and then some! Rico sounds a lot like Franco, and you couldn’t understand half of what he said either! Viewers hear the words that “Stefano is the real thing.” No he ain’t, cos Mascolo wasn’t even on set, by jingo! Steve is really back so here’s to hoping Kayla will now be able to stop falling down. NEXT ON DAYS Shawn calls Victor an old buzzard so Victor retaliates by canceling his weekly allowance … Updated as of December 5, 2006 EJ has a slip of the tongue today as he tells Sami his company needs her help but says “I need you to help you!” Shortly afterwards, it’s another kind of slip … he swivels his chair, which make a whoopee cushion sound, then jumps up and announces to Sami “I have something you should take a look at!” Sooo, the Titan jet is fueled for Montreal. Wonder if there’s gonna be a bogus snowstorm, like the one they invented for John and Marlena’s most excellent Ottawa adventure … Darn it all! Never mind the arrest, they’re puttin Bo in shoddy shirts again! Patrick, meanwhile, goes for a Karate Kid look … NEXT ON DAYS The fans band together to get Bo a new t-shirt … Patrick legally changes his name to Grasshopper and warns Billie to stop reading the teleprompter when she is supposed to be admiring his groovy headband… Updated as of November 29, 2006 Despite today’s big shoulder pads, EJ being able to beat up tough and trained Patrick is about as likely as Hugh Grant beating up Dog the Bounty Hunter! We do remember how fit and strong Patrick was back on the island, after all. Hehehe … Gotta love the fact that when Bo and Patrick exchange words about senorita Hope , there’s a cactus behind them and Mexican standoff background music! But that’s about as much Latino influence as you’re gonna get, seeing as there ain’t a single latino or latina character in all of Salem por dios! Bo then goes on to let Patrick know the authorities are onto him and EJ (and Bo is the guy to tell him too, seeing as he’s working on that UNDERCOVER investigation!) Seconds later, EJ shows up and laments “Oh, Bad Trick … “ (Patrick’s new name?) Meanwhile Kate continues to jump on the British … bandwagon, now pronouncing “no” like a true Londoner (the one word she never uses in the bedroom/boardroom) NEXT ON DAYS Kate joins the Sex Pistols … EJ beats up the doorman … Bo declares war on all talking Elmos… Updated as of November 27, 2006 Huh? How can Claire spell with her magnetic letters while alone upstairs – as is said - if she doesn’t even talk or know words yet! Don’t usually say it anymore but what the heck Shawn gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT and almost a bottomless alert as well oh dear! Meanwhile, Celeste gets to wear a Peter the Great wrap … Cop Commander Roman thinks a signed statement from a fortune teller will pass muster with the D.A. teehee! NEXT ON DAYS Roman wonders if the gloved hand may have also stolen his storyline … Victor asks Dr. Facelift to make Phil look like Borat … Updated as of November 21, 2006 EJ, muh boy, tis time to change your contacts, what with all that irritated blinking … (tomorrow we start counting how many per second) Well, then again, it could be related to his envelope fetish. Only the psychic knows for sure! John looked different but Bo was easily recognizable in that disguise! Why, he looked like a slightly older, more portly … BO! Hey Shawn, how about showing some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for your mom! Are you a man or a mouse? Instead of tossing out Tek the harmless drunk, the bartender actually calls 911! Time for a new job, sweetheart! NEXT ON DAYS EJ vows to shut his eyes and never open them once he discovers his secret roll of toilet paper has been compromised … John confesses he likes his Marlboro man look so Abe punches him … Updated as of November 16, 2006 Where did Vic’s butler Henderson go? On strike? Today’s weather update for Ottawa from the Ottawa Citizen newspaper: “Light rain.” No exactly a snowstorm huh! Awww, it was so adorable when Claire was singing just before Sami and Belle left Vic’s! She is mega-cute but her relations in Salem never seem to take her photograph, get her on the camcorder, etc … Given that it’s supposed to be winter what with the snow, Hope must be awfully cold with her bare shoulders while everyone else is warmly dressed! NEXT ON DAYS Phil says he would have sung along to “I Love your Face” – if only he had one … Updated as of November 14, 2006 At first glance, the medical personnel at Kayla’s bedside look like the flying nun! Involving a civilian in a potentially dangerous situation? Why didn’t Bo and John activate the fire alarm to get EJ outta there instead of calling an inexperienced young woman and asking her to go undercover with a suspected felon???! And if they’re gonna make Patch hang out at the hospital in those white hospital pajamas, how about getting the dude a patch to match! Kate’s nails, meanwhile, continue to be downright bizarre, as is the fact that there are no screens on the windows in Salem – at least not on the ones you need to climb through when escaping the bad guys... NEXT ON DAYS Caroline hands Kayla a scotch on the rocks to wake her up … Updated as of November 6, 2006 Huh? Shawn would be way smarter than he’s acting, seeing how he’s Bo and Hope’s son! And he actually thinks he can get Claire to come visit him at his new home with the hooker???? What da hell? He had more smarts when he had brain damage by golly! Meanwhile, at contamination station, Billie lurked around waiting for Kayla to wake up and get lost – as if the Bo/Hope viewers weren’t already mad enough at this character! And then she feels sorry for herself when she thinks Steve gets his memory back! Boohoo! This leads to an almost fling with Bo and a new scenario for Chelsea to use ... Groan! Chez Rouge would be way better without the elevator music (sounds like it followed everyone over from the ol’ Bluenote). And Willow the waitress’ long long hair is not even pulled back, which means the guests at Chez Rouge might end up with a long, thick hair in their food or beverage – but it’ll be on the house! NEXT ON DAYS Shawn gets a paper route … Patrick makes Hope more leftovers so she gets sentimental about Bo … Updated as of October 30, 2006 Salem must have been experiencing an earthquake, given how Bo and John’s table was jiggling up a storm … Meanwhile, Belle tells Shawn she doesn’t even recognize him as the same person any more. That’s cos he ain’t, darlin! So now we know what EJ does when he’s angry – absolutely nothing! The boy has potential but still needs major villain coaching from experts like Stefano and Tony … Poor Willow. Who gave her the swollen lip? And last but not least, call her a liar, call her a fired doctor, but Lexie is still an expert in all aspects of medicine, including obscure experimental drugs with Steve and Kayla’s name on them … why even Sanjay Gupta was impressed! NEXT ON DAYS Lexie invents viagra … Updated as of October 26, 2006 That was no wedding, that was the World Figure Skating Championships, which explains why Carrie was wearing her best figure skating outfit … And now that Carrie goes off into the sunset with a smile on her lovely face, Stephanie has morphed into the apologetic mope-girl of Salem – and this one gets panic attacks! The hospital would have been evacuated but then again what’s a little biotoxin attack between friends …?! T’would seem that expensive Euro-education didn’t give EJ this little ol’ thing called common sense, given how he lets a drunken Sami race from the bar to “stop that wedding,” perhaps by car! NEXT ON DAYS Sami hires EJ to break Carrie’s kneecaps so she won’t be able to skate anymore … Kate gets declawed. Updated as of October 23, 2006 John says he’ll take the call on his cell outside and then walks into the hall, which is actually still inside. Now that he is a full fledged bad guy, Patrick is more cleanly shaven! Meanwhile, EJ goes for the coiffed limo driver look … and papa Stefano is gonna have to have a loooong talk with that boy about not speaking so openly of your crimes while in the presence of an untrustworthy employee – and outside at that! (unlike John, who is still inside, in case you’re wondering if he ever did make it outside) Where oh where did Hope’s cop instincts go??? And Maggie would never have hired a hooker to work at Chez Rouge in the first place! NEXT ON DAYS Sami asks Marlena to go to jail for her … Max gives Stephanie his old sock and then breaks up with her … Updated as of October 18, 2006 Why does Shawn have to keep being Hope’s son, Bo’s son … how about letting him be his own man! Holy image change! They must be tryin to tell us something by putting Belle in that Elvira, mistress of the dark dress … Confusion illusion! Is Willow supposed to look like Nicole? Blink blink Hope’s lecture to Bo must be a replay of her lecture to Bo last month and the month before that and the month before that … Speaking of Diva Hope, when Patrick leaves, she is standing still and yet when the camera shows her face-on again, her necklace has moved to the other side. Hocus pocus! And why the heck would Carrie, Lucas and Austin immediately believe an anonymous note??? NEXT ON DAYS The gloved hand and Thing from Addams family go head to head in a turf war … North Korea announces it plans to nuke all the old serial killer episodes ... Updated as of October 10, 2006 If Phil is so upset, why the heck does he look so happy? Oh come on! The only place another Shawn/Belle misunderstanding belongs is dead and buried already! Let them get on with their story before the next millennium! And let Belle stop sniffling! What is up with Carrie’s 1800s bordello look? Shawn is starting to get downright scary … anger management anyone?! NEXT ON DAYS Shawn trashes the set and holds up production … Updated as of October 5, 2006 Now that Mimi is leaving the show, she has been made a brunette, as was done to Nicole when she quit… I say, Kate! Lately in her scenes with EJ James Bond, she has developed a slightly British accent, though it is unlikely that Buckingham Palace will be inviting her for tea anytime soon … Hotshot defense lawyer Cameron Reese would give James Woods’ Shark a run for his money, except nobody puts a big wacky mutant carnation on his jacket! Looks like love at the garage ain’t the real thing after all, given how just after Stephanie kisses him, Max turns around and unceremoniously wipes his mouth with his hand. Ouch! Speaking of that garage, guess Shawn's invention and Max's celebrity weren't enough to warrant this little ol' thing they call security! And wouldn't the gloved hand have eczema by now ...? NEXT ON DAYS Max asks all cast members in his presence to wash their hands before shaking his and has a clause written into his contract that air kissing only is allowed … Tom Jones Tek tells Lexie that Abe is a KGB agent, the boogie man, and a personal friend of Fidel Castro, so she shouldn’t believe him … Updated as of September 27, 2006 Looks like denim shirts are the order of the day for the Salem P.D., given how both Bo and Tek are wearing one! Yikes! The mike musta been practically inside John’s mouth when he took that big ol’ SLURP from his drink … John says homeland security would take too long to let him get his jet off the ground. Nobody on the Young and the Restless seems to have that problem so maybe in the future he can ask the Newmans for a ride … Perhaps next time Will is supposed to answer his parents questions, he won’t be stuffing his face with food … Ewwww, unnecessary noises! And a close-up of it all! Meanwhile, Salem is cool enough for John to wear his leather jacket, but Carrie runs around in a skimpy dress and no jacket! NEXT ON DAYS Sami the sudden apologist thanks Will for not hating her ... Tek drops his pants ... Updated as of September 20, 2006 That tall uniformed cop standing guard near Abe looks just like Obama … Cool, but does he really hang out with the Salem P.D.?!! Shawn’s suit is a lighter color by the end of the show (though it’s the same day and he presumably did not leave the station to go home for a change) … Meanwhile, Mimi is wearing a maternity dress and Frankie seems to have perfected the undertaker look. Jack and Jennifer are fun for sure but Jennifer being offered the position of a European news correspondent a la Christiane Amanpour? As the English would say … Not bloody likely! But it was all good and there were smiles all around as Abby was happy to be there, Jack was happy to have some lines, and Jennifer was happily thinking of sleeping in every day in Nashville … NEXT ON DAYS Bonnie whips out her crayola crayon and attempts to change the paternity test file regardless … Shawn wonders why, praises Mimi for her honesty, and demands that every one of his family members over the age of 16 be arrested … Updated as of September 14, 2006 The Jackifer (Jack and Jennifer) flashbacks prove yet again that Days of old are indeed classics! So where is the dvd collection? A few years ago Dayscafe asked Soapcity about it and was told the lack of dvd had to do with licensing issues. License shmicense! We need all our classics pronto! Hope should have listened to those girls with pearls Maggie and Alice. They are wise women! Abe’s voice is like a reassuring, commanding breeze in troubled times. Man, he should always have lotsa lines! Meanwhile, Patrick calls Tek “TUCK” And Frankie tells Abby that Jack and Jennifer were anxiously awaiting Jack’s TETS results … NEXT ON DAYS Bo arrests Jimmy Reilly for masquerading as the crazy ol woman in the woods ... Jimmy Reilly hires Columbo Frankie to represent him ... Patrick calls in a favor and hops a ride on the space shuttle ... Updated as of September 8, 2006 How quickly they forget! Jack recalls how when he first met the fair Jennifer, she was dating Emilio - wrong! Emilio only came to Salem later ... And in the real world, after his stint on Days, the actor who played Emilio (Billy Hufsey) went on to become a Vegas singer. Is it not amazing how a guy can punch another guy in front of a cop inside the police station and not be charged! (reference to Max decking Shawn) Gee Mimi, nothing like snarling at a little baby! Stylist anyone? Perhaps Phil can use all that Kiriakis wealth to find a suit that actually looks nice on him! Jack's biological abusive pop Duke was way too creepy to be mentioned! Don't even go there, fellas! No way would Jack have wanted to go near any of Duke's old associates with Jennifer in tow, and no way would he have given the guy her name either! NEXT ON DAYS Jack realizes Sal gave him the latest copy of the "Keep Jack" petition ... Claire throws her pacifier at Mimi and demands a new DNA test ... Updated as of September 7, 2006 Yikes! Jack’s invisible warehouse contact “Deep throat” sounds just like Frankie! How easily Lexie is now duped! Whatever happened to that killer DiMera instinct … And what a teaser that Jack and Jen get a hot, fun story shortly before they are gone with the wind! Chelsea is an attractive girl and really needs to get rid of that I-will-now-stick-out-my-chin tick. Might we suggest a pout instead … Meanwhile, the lovely Stephanie bumps into Max, only to sniff him! Meow! NEXT ON DAYS The Salem Grand Prix is followed by the Salem Olympics, the Salem Jamboree, and Salem Woodstock … Bo arrests his bike ... Updated August 29, 2006 As the looong almost march of the penguins goes on at the church … Chelsea refers to Mimi as WIMI Sami has a sunburn on her face, having gotten thru a rain storm huh! Jennifer is wearing a formal apron … And Billie begins to flirt with yet another married man! Ahhhhhhhh! Moments later (on the same loong day), Abe says the whole file fiasco doesn’t say much about hospital security but there never has been any freakin hospital security! NEXT ON DAYS Sami tells Darth Vader to stop calling her … Kenny Corday says ok, he will. Tek arrests his shadow … Traumatized, Father Jansen heads for Vegas, where folks do get married! Updated August 24, 2006 “This is ridiculous,” says Phil, with a slightly British sounding accent. Perhaps EJ was tutoring him between takes? Shawn says he had no amnesia about the night of the snowstorm – was that before or after he was unconscious?! It might have been nice to get bridesmaid-from-hell Chelsea a dress that was actually her size, not too baggy on the top! Meanwhile, Billie was lovely wearing elegant living room drapes … How come there are practically no nurses at this place of switched files and tampered tests, also known as a hospital! NEXT ON DAYS EJ takes Sami to a romantic bomb shelter … Chelsea cracks a mirror by looking into it and cackles how cute she is … Updated August 16, 2006 “You’re having a baby,” Billie tells Patrick (aka Pet Trick) but he sure didn’t look pregnant! Speaking of pet trick – that is, Patrick – he is acting like he has the IQ of a carrot, given how he thinks he’ll be a shoo-in for the police academy, with that great criminal background. Come on now! The Keystone Cops have standards now that Abe is back! Chelsea tells Sami she’s prettier than her … NOOOOOOOOOOOT! Eve is a down and out cop on a budget but she sure can afford an expensive dress huh! EJ tells Sami – aka the professional bride - not to be embarrassed by her skimpy outfit cos he’s not embarrassed. Why would he be embarrassed by HER skimpy outfit? (unless he was referring to the fact that he himself had tried it on earlier) NEXT ON DAYS John asks Kate out on a date, to find out what she knows about Eve … Kate asks John out on a date, to find out what he knows Eve knows about her … Philip follows his neon bandaid right off the show … Updated August 11, 2006 Philip is a billionaire Kiriakis so how come he can’t afford some decent duds? Club Echelon anyone? Mimi’s low-cut Lolita lounge tops are getting lower by the day … Roman says he was doing police business at the hospital. Like what? Checking out the close circuit cameras they don’t have or non-existent hospital security yuk yuk yuk! Interesting how it’s supposed to be a warm summer day for the Deveraux (Jennifer talks about taking Jack Jr. out to the pool), yet for elegant Marlena, in long sleeves and autumn colors, it’s fall! Guess different neighborhoods in Salem have different seasons huh! Meanwhile, Frankie is still hanging around in that wintry jacket, while John sports a late September look as he leaves the penthouse, glancing back at them fresh summer flowers on the table … Max is terrific, but his crisp get-up in the garage makes a viewer want to break into the Speedy Muffler song! At Speedy you’re a somebody a somebody at Speedy! NEXT ON DAYS Marlena starts the Salem chapter of the I-suffered-verbal-abuse-from-Alex-North’s-swinging-trinket association … Shawn gets the lead role in Grease … Updated August 8, 2006 What is it about that rooftop that makes folks lose control? You’re doing it just like the old days, Austin – swallowing her whole face! Poor Phil’s descent into cluelessness on a personal level continues … Hopefully the writers are up for the challenge cos once you got Steve and Bo working together on any level, ain’t no mystery that can’t be solved! Look for all the world’s mysteries of past and present to be uncovered, including how they get the peanut butter in the peanut butter cups … NEXT ON DAYS The Keystone cops find the glove prints of the gloved hand and announce the suspect was therefore wearing a glove … Updated August 7, 2006 EJ is a super guy but come on now, a race car driver does not wear a buttoned up suit and tie day in day out! He’s got more formal wear than Prince Charles. Let him be the Hugh Grant he really is, by jingo! Why do Sami and Carrie feel okay receiving a visitor for breakfast while in their pajamas??? “Café Society” in Europe? News flash! People in Europe now work like everybody else! The continent in a number of places is now going through its oh-no-techno phase … Though last time I was in Europe there were an odd number of lost tourists and bored old men sitting at outdoor tables. The new “Café Society”?? That explains the mess the world is in! Yikes! Mimi is morphing into Bonnie! NEXT ON DAYS Patch explains to Della that no, his last name is not Adams … Updated July 31, 2006 Lotsa folks are scratching their heads about Chelsea and Max, considering that Stephanie and Max look so awesome and fun together … Never mind a man, Chelsea needs to stop sticking out her chin every time she’s miffed (99.99 percent of the time) The writing is in the wall! EJ plays Dr. Phil today, calling Sami’s attention to the fact that when bringing up why she wants Austin, she blurts out she does not want to be alone ... The smooth look is too demure. T’was nice for Grace Kelly perhaps but not for Sami. Sami was more Sami-esque with the shaggy bangs! Wild thang! Gloved hand must be a yoyo dieter cos sometimes that hand is slim, then it’s thick, then it gets streamlined again, then too wide … NEXT ON DAYS Carrie whines that she won’t be able to whine anymore … Caroline admits all the booze at the pub is watered down … Updated July 17, 2006 Given the cast news and Lucas' apartment, somebody sure is fixated on the word FIRE Googoogaagaa! But wait! The shocker of the day is that Jennifer is actually drinking coffee instead of tea! A sure sign that something is amiss as she looks concerned beneath those newly painted orange eyebrows … Aw man, the glove needs to get a life already! And how come Phil was wearing one of Doug’s shirts? Meanwhile, EJ must be some sorta speed reader, given that a mere split second glance is all he requires to read all of Sami’s sordid details! Who wrote the following wretched lines - Mimi saying the children are going to be "freaks," and Philip referring to Belle's child as "the damn baby" ...? For shame! NEXT ON DAYS EJ tells Sami that if she shows him her funky paper, he’ll show her his, but first they’ll have to hop on over to Coronation Street … Bush appears on a CNN video clip, holding the gloved hand responsible for all the s**t on the show and offers to get the U.N. involved … Updated July 10, 2006 (link only) Welcome to the anti-wedding of the year, folks … Lucas doesn’t age, man! He looks too young to be Will’s pa and certainly too young to be getting married without parental consent! Poor Billie. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride! And poor Carrie – no one thought to touch up the bride’s dark roots for the big day?! Alice looked like she was thinking the same as the rest of us – “We all know in a couple of months, they’ll say it’s not valid anyhow! Oh brother!" Patch continues to be too cool and the patch is black and darn it all they’re gonna snap him up for the next Pirates of the Caribbean! Here’s to hoping he’ll still make time for Days when that time comes! Last but not least, a thump on the head to Philip for saying HELL inside the church! NEXT ON DAYS Lexie admits she was talking to Stefano on the phone but then retracts her statement in a press release an hour later … Kate’s hair bites her and growls at the cast … Updated June 29, 2006 Sami threatening to expose Lexie’s affair for nothing in return is not blackmail, tis a threat, yet no one in that room realized as much! Next Christmas Santa needs to give Salemites some shiny new dictionaries … Oh come on, we have Jack back, no more near death please, let us all just move forward already! And it is too macabre leaving Frankie and Jennifer’s almost honeymoon decorations over Jack’s suppposed death bed … Meanwhile, Jack’s clear nail polish was sure pampered for a guy who’s on his last leg! Kate says Sami has not changed at all – well, neither has Kate cos she’s still ranting about her! NEXT ON DAYS Jimmy Reilly calls Lexie – again – and tells her that Stefano is now on the Bold and Beautiful so she gasps and asks him how he found her … Updated June 21, 2006 Yes Lexie dahling we know you are sad, no need to keep sniffling … Sami, meanwhile, has caught quite the cold, unlike all the shirtless fellas around her! No one does a wedding better than Days, but we all knew that wedding of Frankie and Jennifer’s couldn’t have been real, given how the bride was wearing a 19th century swimsuit! Who are some of these well dressed, unknown people attending Salem weddings? They must be from Salem’s “wedding guest on call” service … Marlena and John, however, didn’t get an invite! NEXT ON DAYS Jimmy Reilly faints too … The gloved hand is exposed as THING, the hand from the Addams family ... Updated June 14, 2006 Jennifer’s hair is brownish now, just like Nicole’s was made before she left! Guess no one wants to admit when a blonde quits so they make ‘em brunette, thus changing the stats! Tek gets a sleaze alert for letting Abe talk about Lexie,when he is trying to steal her! Shawn, as a devout Brady Catholic, would not be able to tell Mimi he felt she had the right to make her choice, no big deal. The Catholic church does not support abortion. This is an ongoing mega faux pas! Why da heck is Kate now wearing a lock around her neck??? Meanwhile, Austin needs to get a clue … NEXT ON DAYS Tek and Lexie get it on in the icecream truck … Frankie admits he switched the divorce papers Hope signed with the latest Bo and Hope Petition … Updated June 9, 2006 All about Eve? There used to be a young blonde villain on Days called Eve, now the corrupt blonde cop is Eve … What has somebody got against blondes called Eve huh?! Meanwhile, Kate keeps sighing these days … From endless bathrobes to today’s boring brown pantsuit – no wonder Jennifer wants to leave the show! Her wardrobe is more of a snoozefest than Chelsea’s eternal nasty whine! You tell ‘em tough thin guy in suit, Greg/Bobby/Peter Brady all rolled into one! Will walks to the sound of a different tune - the theme song from the Brady bunch. That boy is the personification of the 70s! Oh grand! We have anti-couples, anti-storylines, and now an anti-trial that took how many episodes to get to??? NEXT ON DAYS Jack too gets a patch, believing it will ensure him a decent storyline – and lo and behold, it does! Bo asks to be punished for the fact that Cathy Lee left the Regis and Cathy Lee show … EJ is cast in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” the sequel … Updated June 5, 2006 Yup, Zack is a cutie who is needed on the show so why the heck did they bump him off in the first place! Kate is dressed like she’s on her way to a Grand Ole Opry audition … And that ain’t no race car driver called EJ, that there is Remington Steel! Stop the insanity! Stop making Marlena a victim already! A victim in white. Corporate Austin continues to be corporately upstaged by Sami. Time to head back to college for that MBA, big fella! NEXT ON DAYS EJ offers to rev Kate’s engine and she growls at him … Updated May 31, 2006 The shirtless twins cometh! Are Austin and EJ’s pecks related?! What’s up with Jennifer’s new lion king look?! When Jack comes back, he’ll think he’s hallucinating about a Disney flick! Sami’s blonde do, however, is absolutely smashing! Carrie tells EJ she’s been to other places in Europe – she used to live in Israel for a while. Somebody show this gal a map, please, cos Israel ain’t in Europe, sweetie! Saaaay! Some of those flowers at John and Marlena’s pad are leftover from the old Melaswen (New Salem) set! NEXT ON DAYS Lucas finds Austin’s secret “I WILL NOW TRY AND SCOOP TITAN” file … Marlena remembers she never used to dress like an orderly before she fell … Updated May 30, 2006 Poor Phil, just when Belle says Claire knows she is lucky to have him, Claire lets out a sound of protest! Amazing how Shawn and Mimi have no sweat beads over their upper lip, what with the lack of air conditioning … Were Sami and Austin drunk when they staggered and giggled back home in their swimsuits or what! The Chelsea flashback may have been deemed necessary, but why the heck didn’t they edit out all that sniffling! NEXT ON DAYS The studio invents air conditioning … Updated May 23, 2006 Let’s see … Patrick has “always cared about” Alma and Billie and Hope and of course Patrick! By the way, in case you’re wondering, “alma” is the Hungarian word for “apple.” Vell, don’t hate me because I’m Hungarian, dahlings! So whose bed curtains was Bonnie wearing today? Bonne and Sami, by the by, have such strikingly similar faces that placing them together makes it look like a mother-daughter scene! Confusion illusion! Nice to see Father Irish Accent back in the confessional ... that must mean he won the turf war against Father My Cousin Vinnie! “It’s you!” says Marlena to John, which is exactly what Maggie said to her back when she was the serial killer … “It’s you!” NEXT ON DAYS Britney Spears asks Father Jansen for parenting advice but trips on her way to the confessional … Updated May 19, 2006 Tough guy North points his gun at John and announces “I think you’ve lost your itch!” (guess he meant to say edge, kinda like that ledge he’s gonna fall off real soon huh!) Austin, meanwhile, has a most interesting camera angle as he carries a champagne bottle in front of himself with both hands teehee! If Shawn and Mimi are so hard up for cash, how is it that Mimi is always glamorously coiffed with an expensive stylish hairdo, highlights, and high end cosmetics?! And the transformation is officially complete! Poor Tek has become the first personification of repetition. He shows up everywhere now – at the hospital, on Lexie’s doorstep, perhaps even in the microwave, always saying the same thing “Abe doesn’t deserve you, you deserve better …” NEXT ON DAYS Kate asks Patrick to shoot the skunk on her head … Penguin North hops off Morgan Island, in search of the Antarctic … John takes out a press release, insisting he has never had an itch … Updated May 17, 2006 Interesting how Chelsea mentions working for her grandmother but never seems to show up for said job … Seeing is believing! Poor Maxie, if that’s the best they can do with his hair, give him back his bangs already! The writers have still not done something about Sami being responsible for Phil losing his leg this time last year … so when are they going to get this character some help with much needed therapy? All the signs of problems are there – low self-esteem and periodic lapses into dangerous neurosis. The actress does a fab job, yet her story is like some bizarre acid trip … Translation: the normal Sami of a few years ago, who was turning over a new leaf, was better for everyone! And cut the contrived Lucas-loves-Carrie stuff! Carrie’s flashbacks never involve Mike, who for these past years had been the one true love of her life! It truly was a slap in the face to viewers to announce the return of the original Roman and then go and make him someone else who happens to be strange and evil and wants to kill Marlena … Newsflash: Thou shalt not spit at the viewers! NEXT ON DAYS North pays Patrick to kill the annoying elevator music on Morgan Island, too … Shawn and Max jump on the car and sing “Grease Lightning” … Updated May 15, 2006 Patrick dahling, when in tux, do be shaven! Looks like Chelsea’s already under arrest, given the handcuffs dangling from her ears … Never mind John, how the heck did that Salem elevator music follow North and Marlena all the way to Morgan Island?! Carrie needs to stop beating up on herself. When is someone gonna realize she has got serious self-esteem problems… ? NEXT ON DAYS Austin announces he thinks he might be pregnant too … Updated May 10, 2006 Somebody needs to work with Chelsea, to help her stop making those crooked expressions ... it's very hard on the viewers' eyes! Passions gets to have a mermaid story so where's our mermaid story?! We even got an island but do we have a mermaid? Nooo, instead we get Forrest Gump North! Speaking of North, looks like there's something else on his resume - not just his trinket time at Hogwart's ... there's his first daytime gig, as the caller on the old "Dialing for Dollars" snoozeshow! Marlena, meanwhile, is being made to morph into a Martha Stewart Zombie minus the spatula ... Will Carrie ever stop frowning? First it was the endless nod, now it is the endless frown! NEXT ON DAYS North accidentally hangs up on himself ... Patrick breaks into the payphone on Morgan Island ... Morgan Freeman once more demands that the Days squatters leave his freakin island and Kenny Corday responds by claiming he's just there to find penguins related to Alex North ... Updated May 8, 2006 Never mind her lack of makeup – Billie needs to get some pride already! Lucas hates Sami hates Lucas loves Sami loves Lucas but Sami blackmails … This stuff is older than the dinosaurs! Meanwhile, the anti-couples look like a hallucination NEXT ON DAYS Hope tells Patrick to go nuzzle himself … Billie thanks Bo for keeping his eyes open … Updated May 3, 2006 Exactly one year ago, Bo was kissing Billie, thinking she was Hope, now at the start of today’s episode, it’s the same!!!!! The show then morphs into an episode of CHEATERS! Patrick can be very slick – now if only they’d give him a tuxedo that wasn’t two sizes too big for the dude! If the view is so incredible, as stated at Hope and Patrick’s dinner fountain,why the heck don’t we get to see it! And stop the trickling fountain in the background cos it makes the viewers need to … Max Max Max – get a wardrobe already! Ever notice that no matter where or who, the champagne glasses are always exactly the same ones! Looks more and more like Hope and Patrick are really on Heff’s Island! NEXT ON DAYS Hope dances with Nemo … Patrick marches with the penguins and then asks them for a dance … Updated May 2, 2006 When is someone going to break the hot scoop that the Green Mountain Lodge is really the European inn in DiMeraland! Philip is a really nice young man so they need to get him a girl who loves him! Making snide remarks about adoption does NOT belong in a soap opera script. My mother was adopted and I still miss my grandma! Shame on Days! Adoption ROCKS every second of every Day by jingo! Abby to Jennifer: “You’re having sex with Freakie!” Oh la la! NEXT ON DAYS It is discovered that Bo and Billie use the same hair extension on alternating days … Updated April 27, 2006 How stoned does Marlena have to look before she gets arrested by a cop? Oh, I forgot, the 13 year old Leave It to Beaver cops were placed on puberty leave,which leaves Tek and his libido available to squander tax payers’ money! Interestingly, the writers must have a thang for making the Blacks junkies, cos one year ago it was John who needed a fix courtesy of Sami, now Marlena is flying high on drugs thanks to Alex Forrest Gump North, aka the evil trinket swinger … John gets a cool alert! Man, give it another 50 years, this dude is even gonna make his cane seem cool! Meanwhile, Austin appears to be more 1950s by the day … Nice to see they’ve put some use to the old Club Echelon set, now if only there would be some real music there! NEXT ON DAYS Phil admits he was really groaning on account of the May sweeps script he just read … Updated April 24, 2006 Cry me a river - or an ocean, that is, to make Morgan an island, a place where within 24 hours, viewers can understand Patrick’s sad past, which of course explains away why he has always been so … upbeat all this time! And now the Forrest Gump of daytime, Alex Snoozemeister North, attempts an alliance with Sami, which means we shall be treated to more of his stammered monologues. Would someone throw him off the styrofoam cliff already?! Boohoo! Sniff! Snort! Grunt! Chelsea can’t tell anyone about what she did so she tells Kate and Frankie and the priest and the cemetery ghosts and the crew but don’t ask her to tell because she won’t she won’t! Geez, how much does this girl get paid to not blow her nose?! When John held up Marlena’s photo, the dark shadow on one of her eyes made it look like a picture of Patch! Patch is everywhere, man! Poor Father Irish Accent, he must have been bumped off by Father Gotti! NEXT ON DAYS Alma admits she thought she was really in a Miami Vice audition … Updated on April 19, 2006 “Lookin for Lockhart,” as Bo says, sounds like the sequel to “Finding Nemo” ! Meanwhile, Kate is going for a ho skunk butler look as Billie does her cool, hip mom routine … Billie then goes on to tell Bo she won’t let him speak against the man she loved … Guess that means there are thousands of fellas out there he shouldn’t trash huh. Ouch! And how about Celeste’s selective, very unpsychic memory loss … Oh yes, dahling, I forgot to mention my vision from the 70s that you are going to die! Yoohoo! Earth to shooooow! Ya’ll have lots of madder than mad Shelle fans on strike as we speak … Time for some drastic action, Kenny! NEXT ON DAYS Patrick admits he has deep feelings for a coconut tree and he has been devastated ever since Bonnie’s dog peed on it … Talk about a leaked storyline! Updated on April 17, 2006 Austin and Sami can never get married because he is too tall for her home, given how he almost wacks his head at the top of the bathroom doorway on his way to a shower ... He then burns his throat by drinking the hot water as Carrie chants in her own shower. They either switched Chelsea with an imposter or the writer has been switched, cos since she woke up, she has suddenly developed a conscience as Bo the orderly looks on! All that white mist and clouds, Hope and the very biblical looking Patrick must be sailing thru heaven ... NEXT ON DAYS Sami makes Kenny Corday blueberry pancakes, seeing as he's been the only constant male presence in her life this past decade ... Updated on April 13, 2006 How clueless is that soap world reporter who all but announces he could fall in the caving, toxic sewer at any given moment! Certainly not John King from CNN! Meanwhile, shirtless Patrick and his tugboat tv watch on ... Great, another excuse for Chelsea to boohoohoo poor me! One year ago, John was getting drugs from Sami, now Marlena is getting them from North! Talk about coincidental timing! You tell 'im, Roman! No cowboy vigilante justice for DUCK, huh! That hand closeup as it emerged from the ground was just like from the movie "Carrie"! Turned out to be Phil's hand, as Mimi frowned in disappointment and lamented "Oh, it's Philip ...". NEXT ON DAYS Marlena pops some jellybeans so she starts to think she's Stefano and goes head to head with that Forrest Gump of Dark Shadows who now goes by the name Alex North (said with eerie whisper/stutter) ... April 11, 2006 No life vests and then “It gets rough out here,” Patrick laments as Hope topples into the water! Kerplunk! He must have set up the whole rescue scene, just as an excuse to take off his shirt and pose like the marine version of Fabio, as the boat sails on and on and on … Uncle Vic needs to loan Phil some cash fast – so the poor fella can buy a new undershirt already! Speaking of Vic the tycoon, how come they never show the Kiriakis swanky digs anymore, with that infamous Kiriakis bathtub that masquerades as a swimming pool? Oh wait! That’s now the ocean off Morgan Island! Carrie nods when she’s happy, she nods when she’s sad, she nods when Austin’s sappy, she nods when Sami’s bad! Gee, it takes the Salem emergency team hours to bring gas masks when someone is stuck in a sewer with a gas leak?! Very poignant when Billie asks God to save JESSIE! Who??? NEXT ON DAYS Patrick tells Hope that he is the catch of the day so she jumps back in the water … Lucas is cast as the lead in the next Zorro flick … Friday April 7, 2006 Austin tells Kate that since he has moved back to Salem, he has been watching Sami change … Eeek! An admitted peeping tom! So when do the viewers get to see those monkeys on Morgan Island that make monkey sounds at all hours? Bo and Billie simply cannot and must not get together – those outta control bangs are starting to make them look like a Beatles jam session … NEXT ON DAYS The Phantom of the opera takes Chelsea for a ride in his gondola … Thursday April 6, 2006 Shawn gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT Kate and Sami get a Jerry Springer alert! And Kate calling Sami Sami's own worst enemy is certainly the pot calling the kettle black! Bubble bubble toil and trouble! (so said the witches in Macbeth) Meanwhile, Austin and Carrie find themselves surrounded by Christmas lights! Where did the springtime go? Oh no! Another wrong turn in the romance dept, with Carrie accepting the Lucas proposal ... Methinks the writers are trying to get your goat, push you to write letters, scream on forums, in a word - get some attention! NEXT ON DAYS The manhole is actually revealed to be the bottomless pit some storylines have fallen into ... Chelsea meets up with the Mad Hatter and the March Hare ... Wednesday April 5, 2006 It's not necessary to call Jennifer and Frankie JANKIE (as in "I'm a jankie doodle dandy") for the most appropriate word to refer to them together would be the UNCOUPLE. Even Jack's ghost didn't seem convinced! Poor Bo! His scandal of the day is the fact that there be no screen on his living room window! Bug alert! Austin gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT - big surprise huh! Meanwhile, Sami seems to be morphing into Bewitched (the original) No wonder she lost High Style - Carrie is a messy fashion disaster today! NEXT ON DAYS Chelsea is revealed to be a bored Maytag repairman ... Austin dons his boxing gloves and punches himself out ... Tuesday April 4, 2006 Green Mountain Lodge my eye! That's the somewhat modified set from that European inn back in Dimeraland, Europa! You know, the country that was part Hungarian, Romanian, and German but had no government?! Oh lord! That chain hanging down from the middle of Kate's belt - the one that swings around - oh lala! And to think it made it past the censors! Kate and Chelsea play well together, it's way more interesting than Chelsea and her clueless parents ... Meanwhile, the excitement continues with ... emails! Gasp! Given the serious undertones of the show, this is now going to be the only full humor page, as it just seemed silly to go on with the lines the viewers didn't get to hear - that's better suited to a discussion forum, anyhow :) NEXT ON DAYS Chelsea emails everyone and signs her name as Stefano, leading Joe Mascolo (who played Stefano) to issue a statement that he is now on Bold and Beautiful, two words which do not apply to the likes of Chelsea ... Monday April 3, 2006 Yikes! The Deveraux front yard has morphed into a rainforest overnight! John ISA mercenary slick dude would have been way more clandestine than that! Meanwhile, Belle risks her life in a very silly way and Shawn helps Roman do his job ... Abracadabra! North has his Hogwarts trinket again and the Harry Potter music! Nooo, not the drippy Green Mountain Lodge again! NEXT ON DAYS Chelsea emails the DaysCafe and we delete it hehehe! Friday March 31, 2006 So, Tek is not only a computer whiz and man about town but suddenly an expert marksman as well! Amazing! Why was Patrick wearing Philip's white undershirt? Even a brainwashed moonie would choose buff Rambo John over that powdered penguin North but oh well, it is tvland after all! That's right, copper fellas - tell Mimi all your strategies while on the job, trying to prevent a shooting cos Mimi must be the head of the ISA and the CIA and the FBI right! Chelsea is a squatter on my tv - be gone be gone! NEXT ON DAYS Chelsea spams Ken Corday ... Thursday March 30, 2006 Shawn still gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT And that's quite the black camouflage John has in the green bushes in the middle of the day huh! Never mind Lexie and moonie Marlena, who is gonna protect Celeste from that gigantic, psycho hat with the big jellyfish on it?! And who is to say that jellyfish on the side of her hat (pretending to be a flower) is not really Stefano, dahlings?? Kate's hair looks nice like that even though it's really a skunk masquerading as a hair extension ... The music at the end of today's episode sounds just like a plane taking off ... question is, when do we all get to land?! NEXT ON DAYS John mistakes a slowly hobbling squirrel for Alex North and takes it out with his b.b gun ... Wednesday March 29, 2006 John gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT and a number of folks have written in, wondering how come his tattoo that he had removed a few years ago is baaaack! But dang that man is fit! Ding dong! I wondered where that clock had gone to! He walks like an evil penguin, now in that tux, North is dressed like one, too! Who were those extras/squatters at the small, supposedly private wedding? Guests at the wrong church perhaps? NEXT ON DAYS Shawn and Mimi find themselves in the Neverending Story ... John blows up a fruit stand ... Tuesday March 28, 2006 Honeymoon at the loft? Kinda gives new meaning to the expression “cheap date”! And so the tears flow from the River Belle as Ocean Shawn and Moat Mimi try to converge, but rivers do merge with oceans over time. And that is the operative word here – too much time is passing, let’s speed it up, shall we, Kenny! John in tight tee and Phil in white undershirt and flashbacked Shawn in black undershirt. Let’s all sing it together “Macho macho maaaaan, I have got to be a macho man!” Shawn also gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT. Why does Carrie act like Austin and Lucas are the only two men left on Fantasy Island? Meanwhile, Rambo John sets his scope on Forrest Gump North … stay tuned! NEXT ON DAYS It is revealed that Abe is the new head of the CIA … (they should be so lucky!) Fed up with being called honey, sweetheart, Claire takes a bite of Phil's finger! Monday March 27, 2006 Chelsea assumes Shawn would be happy to have her at his wedding, just after she killed his baby brother???! Lordy lordy, lordy, do cut down on the caffeine intake,Austin ... So that's Nicole's big sendoff - a line about how she was relocated to L.A. (minus having to pack or get the funds for the move huh!) Never mind losing Austin, Sami has lost her ability to match, what with her black sweater and that big white bag ... Meanwhile, Vic gets a wimp alert for not telling grandson Shawn the truth though he sure whispers and grumbles up a storm about it ... NEXT ON DAYS Carrie admits she lifted her bathrobe from the Beverly Hills Hotel ... Friday March 24, 2006 Confused? Maybe it’s because today we have 5 different flashbacks and 2 daydreams! But that Jack and Jennifer flashback just shows how awesome things used to be – so where the heck is the Days DVD collection?!!!!! Speaking of Jack, any particular reason his ghost is dressed like an opera singer … Are they ever gonna let Sami be anything more than a Mean Girl??? And is it not amazing how anyone can get into the hospital records room and records computer. NEXT ON DAYS Father Irish Accent turns out to be a fraud – an actor from an Irish spring commercial … Marlena remembers she hasn’t been paid for the last ten episodes … Thursday March 23, 2006 This is the ceremony that never ends it just goes on and on and on ... (let's all sing together now!) This is the ceremony that never ends, it just goes on and on and on ... Yikes! Today when Roman accuses John of possible jealousy, John actually growls at him! Frankie is so logical and understanding, he could give Dr. Phil a run for his money ... Meanwhile, the transformation is complete - Carrie has morphed into Laura ... NEXT ON DAYS Lexie tells Carrie she can never have studmuffin children so Carrie cries... Wednesday March 22, 2006 Just before the wedding march, that organ was playing what sounded like funeral music at Mimi’s wedding! Nice that they gave Father Irish Accent another chance to showcase his … Irish accent! Frankie is a very nice guy. When is Lexie going to cure his laryngitis? Cute alert cute alert! Claire’s baby outfit in the Belle/Kate flashback! That outfit needs to be profiled in the baby designer section of the former soapcity site which has now morphed back into daysofourlives.com … Aw shucks, we had no pub today! NEXT ON DAYS Austin and Lucas both vie for the affection of Carrie’s teddy bear … Tuesday March 21, 2006 Bo looks awesome in purple! Matter of fact, he looks awesome all slick and dressed up so there's no reason for all them shoddy shirts! Meanwhile, Shawn and Phil's sunglasses make for a Mr. Magoo look ... The other day they were flying saucers, but today Kate has pinatas dangling from her ears! Is Mimi a bride or a flying nun? Either way, Belle wants to stop that wedding! She is a great actress so Sami deserves some slack ... therefore, we won't mention how today she warns Lexie that "Abe is a cup." NEXT ON DAYS It is discovered that Chelsea is really the secret child of Ruth Buzzi and Peewee Herman ... John Black announces that if Abe is a cup, he must be a bowl, while Alex is a can of old beans. Feeling left out, Tek takes out an ad in the Salem Spectator claiming to be a very hot plate ... Monday March 20, 2006 Surely Sami would blackmail Lexe into something a little more exciting and dramatic than "Tell me the bachelor Carrie chooses 5 minutes early!" or "Keep those bachelors away from her!" Zzzz Time for Abe to go back to being Salem's commander! Meanwhile John and Belle walk around with their empty coffee cups - a Salem trademark! While she's in bed, Marlena's wig movies forward too far - and so for a few seconds at one point, viewers wonder where oh where she has disappeared to! Lexie has become way too unprofessional for any hospital and I ain't buying it cos she would never have smooched with Tek at work again and again and again ... NEXT ON DAYS Bonnie auditions for Carmen ... Tek does too ... Friday March 17, 2006 Lots of interesting happenings thanks to the pub - the new hub of activity (kinda makes up for yesterday’s hellish techno extravaganza)! Why, tis grandpa Shawn, me lads and lasses, back again, but where has te man been all tis time?! What great Irish background music! More of it, please! Belle sloshed is a hoot! No more Miss Goody-two-shoes, so what next? Will her character change or go back to the mundane? NEXT ON DAYS Marlena wakes up, thinking she’s still in the serial killer storyline oh oh! Thursday March 16, 2006 Yikes! That was quite the bizarre Jimmy Hendrix meets techno kind of music at the club! Those 3 firemen rushed into the burning house like the 3 stooges! Were those flying saucers on Kate's ears? Hope is as light as a feather and yet Patrick looked like he could barely carry her! NEXT ON DAYS Bo beats up the world ... Wednesday March 15, 2006 Max appears to be speaking to Chelsea's drink ... And why did Carrie collapse? Was it due to Austin's declaration of love or that oh-no-techno music! Patrick and his illuminated lantern fish get a SHIRTLESS ALERT! Psst! Legend has it that Patrick himself is a legend! The pub is way more interesting a hangout than that let's dance ever so slowly club where everyone morphs into a Solid Gold dancer on valium... NEXT ON DAYS Stefano returns to Salem - as an illuminated lantern fish ... Tuesday March 14, 2006 Today is a veritable flashback festival! Meanwhile, lots of stuff going on at the pub, where John and company overtly discuss ISA/police/investigative business .. And there are major corporate goings-on as Lucas and Austin compete over who has the best bagged lunch! No one has bothered to tap North's phone and put a tail on him huh! NEXT ON DAYS Tek asks North for romantic advice ... Lucas claims that his dessert is bigger than Austin's ... Monday March 13, 2006 That's not Morgan Island, it's the old DiMera Island set, with the ledge Jennifer was on! Ands it looks like the same rope too! Hope does her gymnastics thang, while SHIRTLESS ALERT Patrick acts like a cross between Indy Jones and Ricky Martin - shebang! Bartender Caroline is great doling out advice after dipping into the fun stuff for herself, it seems! Theo???? Where is baby Theo? NEXT ON DAYS Baby Theo finally gets airtime, having graduated with an MBA ... Friday March 10, 2006 Well I'll be darned, dat Father Irish Accent be back! Happy St. Patty's to all! Are Bo and Billie both applying to Basic Black, hence their somewhat matching crisp black outfits?! They look fab in black, though! Phil says Shawn has the magic touch cos Claire, who was quiet and sweet before he handed her over, was "fussy ..." Huh????! Patrick gets a SHIRTLESS and SHOELESS ALERT! NEXT ON DAYS Claire punches out Phil ... Thursday March 9, 2006 Starting with loads of flashbacks is a no no as folks might assume it’s a repeat and tune out! Meanwhile Billie sleeps with a gunshot wound as Jaclyn Smith Hope sleeps with heavy eye makeup … Patrick gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT and so does Austin. These guys are regular hussies! Nicole is out of town doing market research they say – yeah, it’s called quitting!!! Carrie tells Lucas “I don’t want to keep the big buzz waiting …” Talk about a Freudian slip! Oh la la! NEXT ON DAYS Patrick, still believing he is on a writer's retreat, makes Hope a bikini from banana peels and then tells her the legend of the banana maiden form … Wednesday March 8, 2006 Wow. Hope gets a gorgeous face alert, brought out by that wavy hair ... Once upon a time ... there was a Grim brother called Patrick! Lucas and Austin get a SHIRTLESS ALERT Will shmill - when do we get to see Sami's (Ali Sweeney's) real baby boy, cos word is the little tyke is adorable and often on set! Chelsea tells Max she's not going to stop living her life - what life??? Did she suddenly go and get one?! NEXT ON DAYS Austin and Carrie make out on the towering inferno ... Tuesday March 7, 2006 Lucas tells Carrie he wants another kid and he knows he’s not getting any younger so ummm – but men can reproduce well into old age! Brady bunch Will (Greg, Peter and Mike all rolled into one) is back! And here comes Doc Lexie and her 48 hrs a day work schedule! This woman must have clones! Amazing that she also find the energy to give John legal advice on her cell phone while racing between the hospital and house calls! Meanwhile, Austin recalls how the elevator always used to jam – not for years it hasn’t, bucko! Last but not least - John and Lucas get SHIRTLESS ALERTS NEXT ON DAYS Marlena insists her real name is Goldilocks and Alex, John, and Roman are the 3 bears … Alex admits it's true! |
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