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| Wednesday August 17, 2005 Max and Lucas get a SHIRTLESS ALERT Speaking of Lucas, when they showed him close up and half naked all alone whilst surfing the net - well, one wasn't sure what to think! Shoot! That Spy Vs. Spy bumbling tag team also known as wide eyed Billie and her "Pet Trick" crashed a great Bo and Hope rescue/reunion! Remind me to NEVER get in a swimming pool where either Mad Max or Chelsea have even touched the water! NEXT ON DAYS Marlena asks John to do her laundry in addition to carrying her bags, as Dr. North puts on eerie music and watches the esxchange from the top of his Unabomber cabin staircase ... Tuesday August 16, 2005 It never ceases to amaze how the simple Salemites accuse Tony of being ever so diabolical and dishonest, only to ask him questions and blankly hang onto every word, believing it all! (i.e. say Tony, you are a criminal and a liar and we will never believe you but by the way, where is Chelsea?!) Ewww! Bonnie and Mad Max? Eww! Mega diseasefest or what! What is going on with Phil - his latest hobby is to obsess about Shawn's lovelife, hoping he'll be as happy as he and Belle are but he and Belle have not been together the past 50 years like he keeps acting! NEXT ON DAYS Caroline elbows everyone in sight before the island collapses, in search of the last bottle of tequila ... Monday August 15, 2005 "Damn you, Pet Trick!" sayeth Billie (to a flabbergasted Patrick) Poor Jack! As if dying weren't bad enough ... now he must also wear that hideous shirt! Heck, I would pass out too! The Little Mermaid meets Ma Baker ...? That is a very interesting very dead pair of squid Bonnie has got hanging from her ears! Do they still sting??? Shawn gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT Meanwhile, Max with his Beatles bangs keeps grinning like a toothy moonie ... NEXT ON DAYS Tony asks who would like to take the last shot and Caroline steps forward, demanding her last shot of tequila ... Letterman invites "Pet Trick" Lockhart on his show for a cameo, but only if he promises to bark out Georgia's identity in unison with the Taco Bell pooch ... Friday August 12, 2005 Tony is so fab and powerful - but pulease give him a love interest and life, for "no man is an island ..."!! Lucas has yet another SHIRTLESS ALERT Earth to show - if you are after a female demographic, why does Sami keep hanging out all over the place, like she's at a party hosted by Heff! If that's the best ya'all can do with her wardrobe - exploitation fashion -, well then she'd be better off as Stan anyhow! Billie was just like a character in a silent movie today ... NEXT ON DAYS Bo/Hope fans storm the island and pelt Patrick with tomatoes, for stealing Bo's grand entrance ... Thursday August 11, 2005 Lucas gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT Abby and Gosh Josh get a cute alert! Why do Mad Max's bangs make it difficult to take him seriously???! So much wasted airtime today on the double dingbat alliance of Nasty Nicole and Sputtering Sami as Kate hisses on in the background ...! Well, Chloe tells Brady she doesn't want to seem like she is all wrapped up in herself - of course she is not, I mean she only would be wrapped up in herself if she always talked about herself her scar her beauty her bandaid her wedding her almost beauty herself herself herself ...! NEXT ON DAYS Inspired by Brady, Kenny Corday writes his own letter of resignation because Chloe is no longer as beautiful as she would like to be ... The fans, however, refuse to accept it so he tears it up, along with her bandaid. Wednesday August 10, 2005 Patrick gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT I understand that actresses do like to have their lips plumped but by golly, in that flashback Mimi had the cutest upper lip on daytime television! (aka pre-plumped) Why are John and Roman now always dressed like men in black?! Like mother like daughter - both Billie and Kate have not had a change of clothes for days and days and days ... NEXT ON DAYS Caroline moons Tony ... Tuesday August 9, 2005 Lucas gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT It would have been nice to give Lucas and Sami a nice romantic encounter a la Bo and Hope instead of that somewhat piggish lovefest but then I guess they wouldn't be able to break them up again ... Look out! Here comes Soviet Stan! Just like the bad B movie he belongs in, his memory will break up this pair again ... speaking of breaking, not only were their lines redundant but even the breaking bed was repeated! Why does one have the impression that Shawn and Phil are supposed to be the only twentysomething dudes in Salem, what with Phil's suggestion Mimi make a play for the only other available guy around who's her age - Shawn! And what is up with Phil calling Belle honey honey honey sweetheart ever since his injury ...? Will this gallavanting groom ever make it upstairs to get some? Stay tuned! NEXT ON DAYS Marlena claims she still does not remember Kenny Corday but she sure remembers the DaysCafe ... Monday August 8, 2005 Lucas and Tek get a SHIRTLESS ALERT Well, today Phil, Shawn,and Tek are all wearing a striped shirt and if we take just their first name initial and put it together, we have PST! So what's the secret of the striped shirts club, huh fellas?! If John really wanted to jog Marlena's memory, perhaps he ought to have presented her with a serial killer's mask hehehe! Poor Abe! Pulease give the guy back his life/sight/wife/something! NEXT ON DAYS The Three Romans show up with Stefano's ol' bones, to jog Marlena's memory ... Friday August 5, 2005 Bo gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT and not only did he lose Hope but he seemed about to lose his pants on that boat too! (now now ladies!) Sami is great when we see moments of sweetness so why not make her nice all the time! How come Eugenia just stood around with her mouth hanging open, waiting to be implicated??? She is supposed to be smarter than that! NEXT ON DAYS Sami cracks Watergate ... Thursday August 4, 2005 ToDAY Max needs a bangs trim ... Sami needs a bra ... Patrick needs a shave ... Lucas needs a haircut ... Jack needs a writer who doesn't want to bump him off ... Chelsea needs to stop overdosing on ecstasy ... Abby needs to escape from Wonderland ... NEXT ON DAYS Kate ruins Sami's party by putting dynamite on the cake in lieu of candles ... Wednesday August 3, 2005 Chelsea still looks like a heroin addict in a French film and anyhow would she not be nervous about speeding given how her parents perished in a car crash which she also happened to be in?! Kate always claims to care only about her sons yet she does not appear to give a hoot that tis Lucas' birthday! Oh boy, Sami is going more Anna Nicole Smith by the day! NEXT ON DAYS Jack gets a sunburn on his nose which he does not feel and Frankie is concerned so he doesn't tell anyone ... Tuesday August 2, 2005 Bo gets a buff and SHIRTLESS ALERT! So where was Sami's disguise, huh? Looks like disco fever Kate was wearing it! Pulease stop writing Chloe like a shallow diva who cannot handle having a little bandaid on her cheek already! Ok, I now have a confession to make - I love these nice emails people are sending in about the DaysCafe being so fun, etc! (don't worry, Jimmy Reilly, I can forward you some if you feel left out!) Speaking of Jimmy Reilly - Ohhhh, he has me obsessing about Marlena/old Ro/John as they are all so fab! And the Bo/Hope adventure rocks so ... I will now eat my hat! (but just toDAY!) Now, if only Tony and Kate ... NEXT ON DAYS Eugenia, Nicole, and Sami become Solid Gold dancers, with Kate doing the choreography and Brady belting out "YMCA" ... Monday August 1, 2005 Why doesn't Eugenia just make an extra copy of the tapes or hide them or set up Sami by leaving out fake tapes - besides, is it not rather redundant to have Sami in yet another I-need-those-tapes scenario???! Is Lexie still the family doc of everyone in town?! Wayne Northrop is cool and much loved but if they don't put him with Marlena, the Roman/Marlena fans will be mad but if they do, the John/Marlena fans will be mad ... Can they pull this one off without stepping on the fans' feelings? Stay tuned! NEXT ON DAYS Bo announces he needs to check his equipment but Hope tells him his equipment is very high grade and working betta than ok! Friday July 29, 2005 Yesterday's show ended implying Mimi would spill the beans about Belle and Shawn (i.e. "Payback is a b*tch") but then that scene did not continue and by the end of today's show we have Mimi again ranting about making Belle pay! Brady gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT Meanwhile, Kate is a purple people eater ... And so the dingbat alliance - aka Nicole and Sami - is in full force today, doing ... well nothing really, except whining and ranting and getting on everyone's nerves. Come on now - nobody acts like that! NEXT ON DAYS Chloe wants to see a plastic surgeon about a hangnail, which she claims is ruining her life ... Thursday July 28, 2005 He calls her Kay and he calls her Kid but for some strange reason Roman doesn't wanna call his wife "Kate"!! No wonder she is sounding more and more like Catwoman and then does a mini roar at Roman as she flounces off - I would roar at a hubby who didn't get my name right, too! Buff Bo and Mad Max get today's SHIRTLESS ALERTS Moments later, Billie confides in teenie bopper Max all about the Chelsea investigation - how about the word classified, Billie - guess they never taught ya what it meant in that there ISA training huh! NEXT ON DAYS Chelsea mistakes the car for Patrick and makes out with it ... Wednesday July 27, 2005 ToDAY is a DAY of need ... Sami needs to get a life or job - or something! Phil needs to get a clue and stop smiling and calling Belle "sweetheart"!!! John needs to get the car (he is dressed like a limo driver) ... Poor Kate needs a change of clothes please! Belle needs to stop changing her very blonde mind!!! NEXT ON DAYS Roman and Phil announce they are pregnant ... Sami, looking for Eugenia and answers, is arrested at the White House ... Tuesday July 26, 2005 Since when do doctors wear gypsy earrings at the ER, huh Lexie??? Oh no! This whose is the baby storyline - when it's been so long it couldn't belong to either fella - will mean only one thing - more dour scenes for Belle! Rats! So we are supposed to believe a big healthy young virile energetic studmuffin like Rex ONLY cares about honesty from a gal? yeah right! Today's overacting award goes to Bonnie, who must be in the red by now from giving out so many free rounds ... Small Business 101, big mama - the customers are supposed to PAY! NEXT ON DAYS Max discovers he has been smiling so much that his face cracks ... Billies decides to date Menudo ... Monday July 25, 2005 Right on Jack! So funny! But a disco fever dance contest would be way more fun than the hillbilly scenario! Jen and Frankie on "Dance Fever" the new millenium! Lexie's wig looks ready to attack someone! Roar! Well, if I had Sami ranting and yelling and hyperventilating at my bedside, I'd sure as heck pretend I didn't know her too! Go Marlena go! NEXT ON DAYS Rex announces he is returning to outer space ... Belle sells all Mimi's secrets to the National Enquirer ... Shawn enters the U.S. open - without a racket ... Friday July 22, 2005 Ewww! Billie and jail bait Max on a date??? Ewww! Meanwhile, Max and Patrick get a SHIRTLESS ALERT Stop the insanity and have Sami act her age already! My mawm my dad my mawm blah blah blah! It is old and borrrrring! NEXT ON DAYS Max asks Bridget Nelson on a date ... Frankie starts wearing his old KISS shoes ... Thursday July 21, 2005 At the Black penthouse, them there balcony doors are wide open at night and no one is worried about bats! Speaking of the Blacks, John was fab fab fab today but doth seem to have forgotten one minor detail - he has been sleeping with Kate so now don't call the kettle black, Mr. pot with the very active hormones, pulease! Meanwhile ... Shawn looks like a very handsome continental tennis player! They mention Tony again and it is such a teaser! Yoohoo, oh dastardly Count, where art thou???! NEXT ON DAYS Hope's coffee pot explodes ... Jennifer's coke bottle falls apart ... Jack's watch goes up in smoke ... Bo's bike becomes a firecracker ... Billie's silicon implodes ... Wednesday July 20, 2005 Ya Hope! Right on! You tell it like it is - Billie raped Bo! Only question is - what took ya so long to call it like it was ...?! Ohhhhh! Lucas and Sami have had the same endless discussion for month after drippy month! And the same goes for Rex and Mims and he loves kids but she thought he didn't want any but she should tell him blah blah blah! Meanwhile, the who's baby is it anyways is so old as a storyline, one feels like one is watching a 1970s soap ... NEXT ON DAYS Seeing as the storylines are going 1970s ... KISS makes a cameo as themselves and Patrick starts his own band - Pet Trick, not to be confused with Cheap Trick. Brady claims he is the love child of one of the BeeGes and Bridget Nelson ... Tuesday July 19, 2005 Gosh, Marlena looks like Belle's younger sister! Brady gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT and Rex, poor lad, gets another clueless alert! Meanwhile, Billie is still running around town in her negligee and Kate looks like a 1920s flapper ... And since when did Eugenia have a direct line to Commander Brady, huh! NEXT ON DAYS Sami breaks into Connie Rice's pad ... Monday July 18, 2005 Apart from Belle's vampire lipstick and Billie's powdered bowling balls hanging out of her slip I mean dress ... it was visually a great show and yet - here we go again with the repetition! Everyone besides Mickey and Maggie sounded like a cloned recap of the past few weeks! Maggie's hair shade is different than a few years ago so Mickey would really need to rename that classy restaurant Chez Auburn ... Meanwhile, Shawn looks like he is either Chachi in Happy Days or a hopeful wise guy in the God Father Teen version ... NEXT ON DAYS Rex gets a clue and leaves the show (hey, it's actually true - har har!) ... Friday July 15, 2005 With any luck, Bonnie, Patrick, Billie and Chelsea will soon hop aboard the White Trash Express and ride far far away from everyone's television set! Never mind meddling in her sons' lives - Kate really should focus on what is urgent and important - i.e. comb your hair, woman! Patrick and Max get a SHIRTLESS ALERT Bonnie's pigtails were actually quite scary! NEXT ON DAYS Joelle asks Sami, who was fired from Basic Black, to come on in and do the accounting as well ... Thursday July 14, 2005 Lovestruck Brady gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT Does Chelsea have to be such a nympho? Plus, now even Patrick is repeating she is 18, just to remind the viewers!!! Ok, so who is the color challenged person who put Shawn in orange. I don't care if he is supposed to be in jail, Shawn and glow in the dark orange just do not mix! NEXT ON DAYS Victor Newman calls a press conference to announce that Chelsea is now 18 ... Wednesday July 13, 2005 Ewww! The Chelsea/Patrick fantasy was just too barfy gross yuck gag-me to mention so we won't yuck ewww I-feel-ill-now mention it! Speaking of Chelsea, how many times does she have to repeat she's 18, to remind us she's been aged already! What's up with giving Maggie a new restaurant, Mickster - why not just give her the real one back and toss Bonnie and her bull out! Nice to see the slick dude is back in the saddle at Basic Black, but John's jeans looked like he was ready to ride Bonnie's bull, not run an elegant fashion company! Max gets today's SHIRTLESS ALERT NEXT ON DAYS Chelsea dreams of Mickey ... Tuesday July 12, 2005 Oh oh! John and Marlena look and act ever so fab together and now the real Roman is set to return - Mega oh oh! Meanwhile, the current Roman shows up today and calls Marlena "Duck"!!! Stomp! Stomp! Hiss hiss! Bang bang! How not to be inconspicuous by Sami Brady, aka the clumsy anti-sleuth who would have been caught, heard, etc!! Stop fretting already, Chloe! Everybody loves you! NEXT ON DAYS Brady admits he can still see Phil's leg ... Monday July 11, 2005 Rex, Phil, and Lucas get a SHIRTLESS ALERT But poor Bo! Why not give the dude a shirt that is his size, huh! So, shouldn't this whole Eugenia helped Kate ruin Sami storyline have been resolved months ago??? And how freakin long do we have to listen to Rex (now without a clue) wonder what Mims was hiding from him, with that moonie grin! Meanwhile, Sami stomping around Eugenia's apartment in a leopard top while talking to herself is kinda conspicuous! Ever notice there are no dang screens on the windows in Salem?! NEXT ON DAYS Kate re-invents herself as a Christmas ornament ... Friday July 8, 2005 What is up with Max's Beatles bangs?! Huh? Where did the dude's eyes go?! This Chelsea is not an interesting trouble maker - Abby is way more interesting, in fact, so puleeease give her more stuff! Soooo slow with lots of repeated dialogues repeated dialogues! Meanwhile, Rex and Patrick now look homeless - guess it must be cos they are! Rex is leaving and Patrick is - homeless, identityless, jobless, etc ... NEXT ON DAYS Marlena apologizes for looking younger than everyone on the set ... Thursday July 7, 2005 Looks like Mickey the Undertaker is back in legal action! Oh come on now - Marlena would not have confided in Mimi about anything, as she is the one who is the shrink! Too too many pregnancy/almost pregnancy related storylines! Meanwhile, Shawn is ready for himself and Belle to join the mile high club right there on the Black jet! NEXT ON DAYS Roman admits he might be pregnant ... Wednesday July 6, 2005 Brady and Max get a SHIRTLESS ALERT! And so, the Keystone Coppers have a real dodofest not bothering with video surveillance at a crime scene! Must be cos the DaysCafe suggested they do check out the surveillance camera waaaaay back when! Don't worry fellas - we won't try and muscle in on your salary! Meanwhile, Rex's hair looks ready to attack someone - roar! Last but not least - would someone puleeease feed Chelsea already! NEXT ON DAYS Nicole comes out of the closet - as Dame Edna! Tuesday July 5, 2005 Good heavens! I have been away in Europe for a week and return only to see Rex in the same old undershirt, saying the same things, and then catch a glimpse of that very old Sami as Stan flashback yet again! Ahhhhhh! Yes, we all know Sami is not a great cook but now they make her someone who is not even capable of carrying a cake???! So, what was Chloe lamenting about, now that her scar is very faded and just a bit of pinkish swelling, hmmm??? NEXT ON DAYS Chloe tells Brady she can never be with him on account of a blister she has on her baby toe ... John gets a job as a German orderly ... Friday June 24, 2005 Why does Chelsea act/move just like a junkie?! Did Stan get to her too? Gee, it looks like the only young guy with dark hair who gets to have an identity is Max the newbie - i.e. Shawn still doesn't get an identity, poor lad, despite all that waiting he had to do first in the trenches, now in the German hospital ... Braaadyyyy! Braaaaadddyyyy! That's not a pigeon - why tis Chloe! Nice to see he is now at least bright enough to remember the phone number of his Titan jet, huh! Must be that hair gel - feeds the brain, it does! Now let's all try it at the same time - CHLOEEEEEEEEEE! NEXT ON DAYS "KENNNYYYYY!" (Corday) Thursday June 23, 2005 Holy copper! If Tek was on duty, he could probably lose his badge for that tryst! Come to think of it, does he even have a badge ...?! And he's off! Brady is in the lead in the Find Chloe Obstacle Course, which is a good thing, considering he is the only competitor! But Chloe has had a change of habit, what with her nun look! NEXT ON DAYS Patrick shows up at Lexie's office and complains he's lonely too ... Philip turns into a bush ... Wednesday June 22, 2005 So much sickness and misery - too much for summer time! Say! When Max was a kid, he went upstairs and was never seen again! Musta been some kinda upstairs! And how about that cluelessness of Abbie and Chelsea wondering why someone called BRADY by last name knows folks in Salem! Just what are they teaching the kids at the high school anyhow! Meanwhile, Brady continues with his Chloathon - aka The Big Hunt ... But will she ever stop whining? Stay tuned! NEXT ON DAYS Shawn crashes all hospitals in Salem and tries to pick up the unhappy wives. Tek threatens to beat him up for muscling in on his turf ... Tuesday June 21, 2005 Lucas and Brady get a SHIRTLESS ALERT Well, Sami says she will tell the truth and it's dramatic and then there's a commercial and then she just says oh yeah, I am telling the truth! That kind of false commercial cliffhanger will only make folks turn the channel! Come on now! Wow! It only took Brady how many years to realize Nicole is his step granny! Who gave Shawn that dorky t-shirt? Why doesn't Tek do something useful like give that person a ticket or a summons or a prison sentence ...?! NEXT ON DAYS Philip has a nightmare that Shawn's dorky t-shirt is now part of his wardrobe as well ... Monday June 20, 2005 So much repetition repetition, it is mind boggling! Meanwhile ... Mimi is dressed like a pinata Billie looks like a hooker muppet and why the heck does Bo let Billie yell at Hope whilst in their home! A major thump on the head for that one! NEXT ON DAYS John and Marlena, looking as young and fun as ever, star in the re-make of GREASE ... Friday June 17, 2005 Brady is doing a great job as an actor, considering they now make him announce that he has decided to believe Nicole while he is duping her! Huh?! Plus, he has to keep wearing that Dirk Diggler shirt! Lucas, still of the World War 2 French resistance, gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT Why do characters keep announcing what/why they are doing things on a daily basis, as if the dodo viewers cannot remember!!! Exasperating! NEXT ON DAYS Sami Nicole Smith forms an alliance with the Spice Girls ... Thursday June 16, 2005 It's not interesting when Tony's not on, sorry to say! "What the hell is going on!" once more Brady says, proving he's more than just a fella addicted to Chloe's name! Kate and John Marlena and Roman who cheated on who zzzzz! Meanwhile, the flashbackfest continues ... To sum up - everything is too slow or just too bizarre, like the Sami/Nicole Jerry Springer alliance. They want upscale viewers so they develop a Jerry Springer dishonest tart/dingbat alliance, geesh! Vic and Caroline should have been back ages ago - nothing like dragging it out when there's no ideas left. Memo to show - if ya'll need help, have a DAYS Ideas contest!!! NEXT ON DAYS Philip sues the marines for losing his shoe ... Wednesday June 15, 2005 That is a very Dirk Diggler shirt Brady is wearing as he repeats Chloe Chloe Chloe's name! Gee, it's summer and we get an amputation storyline?????! Sami is not only in trouble with Tony, but she is also in very dire need of a new bra! NEXT ON DAYS Shawn catches a plane to cluelessness ... Tuesday June 14, 2005 It's a full COSTUME DAYS as ... Kate is a pilgrim Marlena is a fortune teller Billie is a streetwalker with a heart Belle is a Spice girl Rex is a cross between a lumberjack and a tablecloth at a pizzeria and last but not least, Chelsea is a heroin addict in a French film! NEXT ON DAYS Bo sues NBC for the return to the crappy shirts just cos he didn't want to give up Hope ... Monday June 13, 2005 Poor Lucas and Rex are now lumberjacks ... Where's Chloe? Is she behind the door? In the shrubs? On the roof? Under the carpet? "Oh my God!" sayeth Brady yet again. "Oh my God, I found Waldo but I still can't find Chloe!" Surely Nicole could afford to hire someone to help her solve her problems - not as if she is without means! NEXT ON DAYS Mimi shocks Rex by stating she CAN marry him ... Belle catches John Black's magic carpet to Germany, in serach of Philip's lost shoe ... Friday June 10, 2005 No one seems to pay for a dang thing at Alice's, where Rex and Lucas are wearing a couple of pizzeria tablecoths masquerading as shirts! I do not intend to elaborate, but ... Cutting off Phil's LEG is NOT the worst thing that could have happened to him, as the guys are saying! Nicole only whines in her scenes with Brady, perhaps because their conversations go round and round in the same redundant circles ...! NEXT ON DAYS Brady hears a movement in the bushes and shoots Chloe dead ... Thursday June 9, 2005 Oh no! How many times does Belle have to shriek into the phone! Where are my earplugs??! No Chloe sighting for Brady - yet again! Half of Salem has now seen her and he, the son of ISA John Black, cannot even find her when she is beside him, standing on top of him, etc ...! If Tony upsets Sami so much, why did she prolong their conversation instead of hanging up! NEXT ON DAYS Sami admits she gets turned on by Tony's telephone presence ... Wednesday June 8, 2005 Oh la la! Kate's eyes now look like Charlie Chaplin's! Is it intentional, seeing as he was known in movies as the Little Tramp! Bo and Phil get a SHIRTLESS ALERT No one seems to care or know what's wrong with Phil! For all they know, he could be getting a lobotomy in Germany! Aha! Knew it! There was no Chloe sighting! And so ... she gets to continue her new Flying Nun look without any complications! NEXT ON DAYS Marlena proves she's just as hot as the younger crowd by landing the role of Genie in "Salem Dreams of Genie" ... Tuesday June 7, 2005 Sami tells Lucas "I hope someday soon the three of us can comb, go home together as a family ..."???!! Was that her not so subtle way of letting Will and Lucas knows she doth not like their hairstyles? Stay tuned! Shawn is very 1970s of late and the droopy bangs are returning ... Meanwhile Caroline seems way happier to be on another island with Vic. Must be that island catering service courtesy of the Bartman! Last but not least ... John Black's voice has had another Dex Dexter attack! NEXT ON DAYS Bart hires Mork from Ork to be the island waiter ... Friday June 3, 2005 (Mon June 6 in U.S.) It is rather unsettling to watch certain male actors with overly plumped upper lips and a big fat upper lip does not make them look very intelligent either! Looks like we're in for the next level of the Belle Lament as Phil is home not home alive maybe dead but injured but Shawn loves her but Phil does too boo hoo hoo! How majorly unbelievable that Chloe would have Nicole - Brady's girlfriend - as her new bedside pal! Gimme a break! Meanwhile, it's a regular flashback fest today! NEXT ON DAYS Brady confesses he is doing his damnest to be a blonde Nicolas Cage ... Thursday June 2, 2005 John does not wait long enough to hear Shane say much of anything on the other end of the phone when he begins to react and for that matter, Sami doesn't even wait long enough for her call to connect before she complains about Nicole's answering machine ... Methinks the editing gremlins cut it all short to make room for them there important flashbacks we keep seeing keep seeing keep seeing! The writers have now made Belle the human representation of lament - she laments Phil marries her, then that he leaves, then that he will come back, maybe he is dead, maybe he is alive, maybe Shawn will tell him he might be dead when she wants to ditch him ... boohoohoo! Let us all join Belle in her lament as we lament about that sorry storyline! And how lamebrain to make Shawn keen on rescuing Phil so he can break up his marriage! Oh yeah, a guy would risk his life for that - NOT! NEXT ON DAYS Chloe decides Nicole is her best friend and asks her to be her maid of honor at her wedding to Brady ... Wednesday June 1, 2005 Well, the flashbacks confirm it, folks - Brady looks way better without the facial fuzz! Perhaps he knows it too and that's what made him turn away from Tony and claim he had him at gunpoint! Sami wants her mom and dad together, Will wants his mom and dad together - geesh, doesn't any generation of this group get a new storyline! Meanwhile, the invisible enemy action continues near the English sign about landmines in Evil DiMera country, Europe ... NEXT ON DAYS Belle decides to start a hotline for soldiers in the line of fire, just to distract them when they least need it ... Tuesday May 31, 2005 If Phil and co. were really in the desert, they would need to keep their mouths rather closed instead of wide open (i.e. the sand flies in fast with the desert winds!) And how about that there sign in desert Europa, which states in ENGLISH that there's land mines straight ahead! Bo reminds Billie that the ISA has ways of making people talk but it doesn't evidently have ways of making ISA agents like Billie remember what/how the ISA does! Don't quit your day job, doll, if you remember what it is! Lexie generally has nice hair days, so was it really necessary to put that tree on her head?! NEXT ON DAYS Brady discovers he is the secret love child of Kid Rock and Vivian Alamain ... Monday May 30. 2005 Amazing how Phil can be half dead and dehydrated one minute, only to jump up and declare he is ready for battle again! Where was the physical, the debriefing?! Genius Rex has still not done the math - Sami and Stan were the same height, same color hair and eyes, and one always vanished when the other appeared! Meanwhile, Lucas automatically assumes the military duds he finds belong to Stan, are not someone else's, have not been planted or accidentally left there, etc ... Jack is a great sleuth but no one wants to see him with a health problems storyline, especially not in the nice weather! Has the fella not been thru enough! First they kill him, now this??? NEXT ON DAYS Lucas offers to do Tony's laundry ... Friday May 27, 2005 The coup of the month was indeed salvaging the sinking ship of the attempted military fiasco of the Fab Four Rescue Squad by having the real Marines show up, announcing they'd had tracking devices on the fumbling fellas the whole time! However ... Marine Phil punching Tony when Tony becomes a prisoner, keeping in mind that Tony is also the citizen of another land (the nameless nation he has all but bought) is in fact a violation of the Geneva Convention!!! If Belle's family is so rich, why does she have to keep wearing the same top day after day after day?! NEXT ON DAYS Sami gets laryngitis from yelling so much ... Thursday May 26, 2005 Good heavens! Marlena and Nicole begin to look alike! Blink blink! Is it really necessary to make Sami so Jerry Springer?! Meanwhile, John and Roman are men in black and Tony's prisoners are just like the cast of "Westside Story", who look ready to jump up and dance at any minute ... NEXT ON DAYS Brady breaks into song, that he just met a girl named Chloia ... Matador Lucas vows to fight all the bull in the current storylines ... Wednesday May 25, 2005 Chloe is the girl in the iron mask today (with nicer eyelashes) ... Well, if Sami doesn't want Lucas to know she's there, why YELL!!! All Tuck - as Lexie calls him - oops, it's really Tek - all he needs is a young lookalike Don Johnson partner and here comes Miami Vice! Tuck - I mean Tek - also gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT! NEXT ON DAYS Brady declares he and his scarf are king of the gypsies ... Tuesday May 24, 2005 Alrighteee, now that we see once more how great and powerful Craig and Nancy are, why not keep them on and give them their own storyline, huh?! Isn't it high time Chloe became more than just a scar or bandage or almost sighting storyline?! Where did the poor girl's character go! How lame are all the men of Salem supposed ta be cos not one all that time recognized Sami or her eyes! Geesh! Don't quit your day job, fellas! NEXT ON DAYS Lucas is cast as Errol Flynn ... Monday May 23, 2005 Mimi pleading guilty when she didn't try and kill Jan is sensational, idiotic, and very unlikely of her character! Speaking of the court scene, what happened to Judge Kenny? I sincerely hope it was (oops I mean wasn't) due to the DaysCafe ribbing that he gave up that black gown of power! If the joke don't fit, you must acquit! Well, someone I know who hadn't watched the show for a year said that due to all the repetition and characters explaining what they'd been up to in today's episode, she now knows what has been happening, which begs the question - have the rest of us been wasting the past year? Stay tuned! Meanwhile, Kate dons her fortune telling necklace again and now that Roman is back, poor Bo has once more been reduced to that dreaded abyss of bad shirts! NEXT ON DAYS The writers plead guilty to soap writers block ... Billie admits she's a Gene Simmons wannabe ... (as in KISS) Friday May 20, 2005 Why doesn't Celeste ask her tarot cards who the skull dude is and what he wants before his bobbing dead head blows up again ... During the Emmys tonight, my sister called me up and said "Hope is gorgeous and lively so how come they make her drab on the show?" Good question, sis! Mismatched? Belle is wearing the top that is supposed to go with Mimi's skirt, which means that Mimi is wearing the skirt that should go with Belle's top! The helmets are off and the Backstreet Boys are ready to sing off in a showdown in the castle prison, as Phil tries to guess where they are! But really, we got no problems compared to the old Vic of Y&R, who can't even remember his off stage name ...! NEXT ON DAYS Victor Newman releases the following statement - "God Bless the creator of all soap operas, Howard Stern, wherever he is ..." Thursday May 19, 2005 Diva Celeste is a clairvoyant so why the heck would she need to investigate anyone - or even wonder how???! And so the silliness in the trenches continues, with the Gestapo Five taking it to the next level as they continue to wave their World War 2 weapons around the styrofoam trenches of NBC! Meanwhile, Belle looks like a milk maid and Mr. Skull is terribly out of season as it's Spring time, not Halloween, fellas! NEXT ON DAYS Abbot and Costello head to the castle for a USO tour but run into a snag when Tony refuses to return their passports ... Wednesday May 18, 2005 Poor Hope has to keep repeating the lines she has stated for months about Bo caring more about Billie, she will never forgive him if anything happens to Shawn etc etc etc ...! Today Billie tells Jack about her busted arm "I'm such a clutch!" (instead of klutz) Meanwhile, I almost fell offf my chair when Bo said "The ISA keeps running into brick walls!" He was actually being kind cos at the present, the ISA still seems to stand for "I'm so Amauteur!" Translation: No sir, the ISA IS a brick wall! NEXT ON DAYS Hogan leads Kolonel Klink to the Gestapo Five's hideaway in the snowy desert mountains of Afghanistan, Europe, where well trained U.S. marines leave a group of prisoners in a flimsy, unguarded tent so they can watch the latest episode of Days of Our Lives on KNN, the Kabul National Network ... (aw, it's great laugh value though, ain't it!) Tuesday May 17, 2005 Give Craig and Nancy their own storyline instead of these teasers already! Celeste's vision was as gorgeous and interesting as the diva herself ... until the punch line was Tek maybe breaking up Abe and Lexie! Come on now! Make it as grand a storyline as the vision would merit! Tony is fabulous but the writers are not because they now imply he knows "Fidel" personally, yet Castro is a communist and would therefore want nothing to do with a rich, powerful mafia clan, unless he were about to execute or imprison them all ...! NEXT ON DAYS The Gestapo Five continue to shoot at each other in the desert trenches of the snowy mountains of Europe, where rebels now fight with the U.S. army ... Are we a tad historically and politically challenged or what! Monday May 16, 2005 Yikes! The Gestapo Five are in the wrong color/shade for desert camouflage! These fellas look ready for combat in the Black Forest! But that doesn't stop any from reaching out and touching someone Salem style, repeating themselves on what must have been international phone day, in addition to their usual face to face repetition! Hogan had nothin on these dudes! Meanwhile, Kate starts to wear Billie's racoon eyes ... NEXT ON DAYS The cast has a "let's repeat ourselves online now" party ... Friday May 13, 2005 John and Roman get a SHIRTLESS ALERT How come the Gestapo Five waste so much time talking in the trenches and don't even notice that Stan the escapee is well coiffed and clean?!! Mickey is still dressed like an undertaker, perhaps to signify the death of his storyline, which died a long time ago ... NEXT ON DAYS John admits he might as well face it, he's addicted to love ... Thursday May 12, 2005 Jack gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT and a SUPER ROMANTIC ALERT! Poor Jennifer, however, has to get thru it in the rattiest sweater they've ever made the poor girl wear! Even her stranded on an island wardrobe was better! The open desert around the Gestapo Five is mentioned today - yup, how about them there European deserts in snowy tipped mountains, huh! By the by, Gestapo Five refers to Brady, Shawn, Rex, Lucas, and now Stan/Sami ... How long is it gonna take Billie to do basic math and wonder if Chelsea is Georgia Georgia Georgia with the same rare blood type blood type! Speaking of the hospital that now doubles as a restaurant if the price is right ... Shame on the staff for standing close to critical Chelsea's bed and practically yelling she might DIE!!! And it's a major Keystone Cops bust that they didn't bother to station a police guard at Jan's door if they really thought she was the victim of attempted murder! Also, Bonnie says she's married to Mickey - nope, that would be bigamy! That has already been pointed out more times than Bonnie has tried to choke someone! NEXT ON DAYS Bonnie asks Jerry Springer to marry her ... Wednesday May 11, 2005 Gee, if a new viewer happened to tune in today, they'd wonder who those SS military fellas were! Plus, the repetition continues continues! Hmmm ... Jennifer played the Jennifer imposter with more zing - why don't they let her do some interesting stuff like that! Abe's snarkfest was interesting but the poor guy! I mean, he's smart, he's the only good cop in Salem so the writers go and make him blind and impotent! NEXT ON DAYS Nicole admits she is Dr. Rolf in drag ... Tuesday May 10, 2005 Billie calls Patrick, who was a DiMera henchman, a male Polyana??? Guess that gas really went to her muppet head! Speaking of the gasy house, why do she and Patrick continue to hang around there? Are they hoping to inhale more? Meanwhile, poor Bo and Hope continue to have the worst snoozer of a storyline in daytime history! Also, the war flick goes on, with the Fab 4 acting more and more like confused ol' veterans who still think they're embroiled in World War 2 - or is that World War 1?! NEXT ON DAYS Shawn hears that Jan has been revived and puts in for his second tour of duty ... Monday May 9, 2005 As the war games continue in Europa NBC, no one thinks to look out for land mines! Doh! Bo, now totally exploited, continues his SHIRTLESS ALERT Life is but a flashback cos today we count 5 very long ones! How, praytell, do we know that the writers themslves are simply not flashbacks? Boggles the mind! NEXT ON DAYS Stan claims he is really Dan Rather on botox ... Friday May 6, 2005 Patrick and Bo get a SHIRTLESS ALERT Rex tells Shawn that someone's coming so turn off your flashlight but then when they hide, Rex makes sure to flash his! And how come these fellas sit around the trenches gossiping more than planning on how to do something or escape! Why does Sami believe Tony's high tech "footage" of her folks?! Plus, she always seems to be ranting, wanting revenge, and wanting to get her parents back together, whether it's at a local Salem hangout or Carpathian castle! NEXT ON DAYS Bo charges Billie with assault ... Thursday May 5, 2005 How about that laughing gas they must be pumping into Billie's big love scene with Bo! Nice to see Belle and Mimi are religious but when one holds a rosary, one is supposed to say the rosary ... Gee, how about getting the escapees a medical check up! So, now the fellas in helmets hang out in the snowy trenches, wondering if that's a military vehicle approaching them - or just a giant bat! NEXT ON DAYS The Fab 4 of the Carpathian Resistance Team (Shawn, Lucas, Rex, Brady) appoint Phil Captain of the Paintball Squad ... Wednesday May 4, 2005 So now Bo is exploited and Billie is even more of a freak ... What was the point of that??? Bo - who appears dead - continues his SHIRTLESS ALERT Nice that some folks are back but do Roman/Kate/John/Marlena have to be joined at the hip in every scene they're in now?! NEXT ON DAYS Billie admits she is the first cousin of Monica Lewensky ... Tuesday May 3, 2005 And so the World War 2 (or is that World War 1?) parody continues ...! Another thing that continues is how John/Roman/Marlena/Kate just sorta stand around shooting the breeze, accomplishing zippo, whilst Hope talks about Billie to Patrick, who keeps touching his face - a tick he developed before Jack punched him! Bo gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT and Billie gets an I-Must-Now-Turn-The-Channel-Cos-Of-This-Broad Alert! Never mind that so called injury - Shawn seemed kinda drunk (gee, who would blame the guy at this point!) NEXT ON DAYS Abbot and Costello show up to rescue Phil for their latest release - Abbot and Costello Meet the Scary Goons Part 2! Monday May 2, 2005 A werewolf (oops I mean wolf!) howls in the distance ... And isn't it amazing how Private Corporal Marine Captain Phil gets a tan whilst being held indoors as his homeboy/fascist pals trudge thru the sandy snow (or is that snowy sand?) of the Cold ratings War, wondering how to get a clue! After learning that Kate and John be engaged, Roman expertly concludes "Obviously the two of you got real close while doc and I were gone." Ya think?! Meanwhile, today was a day of SIX FLASHBACKS! NEXT ON DAYS Stan flashes Phil, to prove he's a she and Phil does the same ... Friday April 29, 2005 Lucas is in the know but the Three Amigos have no weapons training, nor do they bother to discuss their "plan" - or is that unplan - while en route .... Meanwhile their pilot looks like he himself has just escaped - from Woodstock or an old Cheech and Chong flick that ended up on the cutting room floor! Then, when our Fearless Four finally land (bumpety bump), they appear to have suddenly morphed into German soldiers right outta "Hogan's Heroes", with Sonderfuhrer Von Brady leading the pack as they bumble and stumble thru the night, noisily preparing their guns in the stirofoam tunnels of enemy terrain ... (CBS?) A word of advice, fellas - Be vewy vewy quiet! NEXT ON DAYS Sami finds a new calling and becomes a freedom fighter in the Carpathians, vowing to make all the fascists with Australian accents pay for everything bad that has ever happened to her ... Thursday April 28 Bo and Billie head to a house again to look for Georgia - that is the second second time! And that set looked like Jack and Jennifer's house with sheets all over it! Speaking of Bo and Hope, when will they get their reunion ... with a decent storyline that is! They must have been twirling closer together, which is why the two couples started off far apart, then ended up continuing their embrace right beside each other! (Roman/Kate and John/Marlena) That didn't stop Roman from growing mid-scene either, for by the end of the day he appeared to have sprouted a few extra inches next to Kate! Jennifer tells Hope that she left Jack and Abby in the room licking the cake frosting but they only started doing that after she'd left! NEXT ON DAYS Billie wakes up in a rabbit hole and announces she is the Queen of Hearts ... Wednesday April 27, 2005 That's how it ended yesterday also, with Marlena and Roman approaching a kissing couple that happened to be John and Kate but they haven't noticed ... (is Kate's head really that big?) Again - everything gets done twice twice! The waiter says he'll find a table that's "open." No, dear, a table is "free" or "available", a bar/restaurant/store or maybe your mouth even are "open" ... How come Marlena - who was such a well known figure in Salem - can flounce thru the crowded airport without being noticed - and she's not even in disguise! Jack Jr. is too cute - they should have shown more of this tike ages ago! Here's to hoping he isn't suddenly 16 years old next week ... NEXT ON DAYS Tony shows up at the lounge and kidnaps all the waiters, to replace his castle guards, who are still on a work to rule campaign back in the Carpathians ... Tuesday April 26, 2005 If you felt yourself burning up while entering the wonderful world of Salem today, then YOU'VE GOT REUNION FEVER! However ... Marlena would surely have recognized John's trademark smooching style anywhere! Billie continues to act unilaterally, instead of INTERacting, and yelling does not make it dramatic either ... If they make Bo say PROTECT one more time, I shall screeeeeam! Meanwhile, Nicole looks like she's getting a perm ... NEXT ON DAYS Shawn and Abby get together to compare notes on bright head bandages ... Roman proves he's not dead by shooting himself ... Monday April 25, 2005 Rex gets a very original SHIRTLESS ALERT Looks like Salem Airport's security is about as non-existent as the policing of Salem's Keystone Cops! How about that captivity - Roman, Marlena, and Jack all come back looking a good 10 years younger!!! What's up with Kate's new Lion King look ...? All things said, the heavies were back in action and so this whole dang epi (that's an episode) therefore had more substance to it! (with the exception - there just had ta be an exception - of Billie's rant and Nicole's nursing ...) NEXT ON DAYS Rex and Mimi's video ends up on MTV ... Friday April 22, 2005 Good grief! Just when Billie promises to stay away from Bo, half the show becomes the Billie bubblehead bugging Bo hour! = 2.4 ratings! Well, how the heck did the Salem Ninjas (Brady, Rex, Lucas and Shawn) get the weapons so easily outta the country and by the way, one simply did not have the sense of timing urgency; i.e. looked like they were loitering around the airport, whereas John Black rushed there with great urgency and therefore made the whole thing more believable in this unbelievable scenario ... Patrick and his ratty beard keep infiltrating the lives of married women and going for jogs ... but not much else! Once again - all things twice! This time it's Shawn's videotaped message to Belle! to Belle! NEXT ON DAYS Phil finds out he's been on "America's Funniest Home Videos" this whole time ... Thursday April 21, 2005 No wonder Mimi thinks her life is over - they made her wear an oversized BIB today instead of a top! Say - when Nicole tossed her fake id and then the scene switched to the middle of a clipboard being slid aside the same way, going from one action to another - it was really cool! Great director! Too bad Billie then went on to ruin the scene with her borrrring Billie-esque spouting and pouting! Kate, you are a gorgeous dahling, so stop sighing and talking in the strange little girl voice! Speaking of gorgeous ... once again, where is Celeste?! It is very bad luck to backburner a soothsayer, dahlings! Zzzz! Nicole trying to stop Chloe's surgery is a petty snoozefest! NEXT ON DAYS Hope admits she also hangs up on telemarketers and Billie accuses her of killing them too ... Hope then retorts that if it killed Billie's storyline, she'd gladly blow up the entire phone company! You go, girl! Wednesday April 20, 2005 Roman finding a working cell phone on his way out of the burning/semi-collapsing castle, in the smoke, is priceless! Why do the writers keep picking on Hope??? Rex hacks into John's stuff and within a half second says everything they need is there - perhaps he should look longer than a fraction of a second before he decides??! And what kind of security do they have at Basic Black?! Meanwhile, Kate is no longer just a flamenco dancer - now she's an angry, ranting flamenco dancer! NEXT ON DAYS Patrick and Bonnie start the new Salem chapter of I-Can't-Believe-Someone-Actually-Gave-Me-This-Haircut ... Tuesday April 19, 2005 We had the 3 Ninjas getting ready to kick back ... and then there were four! Or were there - Shawn appeared rather quiet and out of place all of a sudden ... Is it because his droopy bangs have returned? Stay tuned! Lovely that Bonnie is familiar with "Law and Order" - guess that means she must know what BIGAMY means huh! Instead of staring at Mimi, Keystone Cop Tek and his Tom Jones image should do something real coply - like check out what the security cameras outside Alice's show about Jan's infamous fall before jumping to conclusions! Billie now blames Hope for the car crash? In her case, ISA must stand for I'm So Assanine! The fires of hell burn on and on, yet amazingly, amid all that smoke, no one's eyes are stinging or even bothered for that matter! NEXT ON DAYS Lucas admits he is the son of Zorro ... Tek charges Mimi with flashback fraud ... Monday April 18, 2005 Salem's Three Most Excellent Ninjas - who will soon become 4 - don't even think about linguistic barriers in the "foreign country" they plan to infiltrate! Don't tell me - the national language of the nameless land is Pig Latin, huh! Still, they are kinda cute! Bo gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT That castle fire around Cassie and Marlena looks just like the burger fire on the Burger King commercial! NEXT ON DAYS Nicole asks Henderson to marry her ... Bart throws a few onion rings on the castle barbecue ... Friday April 15, 2005 John gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT Kate still looks like a flamenco dancer in that outfit... Nicole's character is supposed to be street smart, if anything, and yet she gets in a car with a complete stranger whom she believes to be a man, who is acting bizarre ... come on now! Shawn is a talented young man who should not let his mouth hang open when he is supposed to be in thought ... just an indication, once again, that this talented young man is more comfortable when he doesn't have to act like some sort of action hero ... let him be a lawyer, I say! NEXT ON DAYS The cast turn on the writers with water pistols ... Shawn and Rex consider renaming their Excellent Adventure - The Three Amigos ... Thursday April 14, 2005 Kicking the dang castle wall with a foot would have been more effective than using that diner spoon so how come nobody bothered to do so before, like months ago!!!!! Aw, they got rid of the Lorenzo Lamas lookalike fascist castle guard! Meanwhile, Kate is dressed like a flamenco dancer ... NEXT ON DAYS Roman digs a hole to China with doc's nail file ... Wednesday April 13, 2005 And so Rex and Shawn's Most Excellent Adventure - aka Shawn's World - continues, dudes and dudettes, with the party animals like hacking into John Black's most ISA life! Way! Gee, some of today's scenes looked like yesterday's scenes ... Guess what - what's cos they were!!! Why does everything on this show now have to happen twice - Jack's escape, some dead people really being alive and held captive, Chloe has a risky operation to get rid of her scar ... too bad this repetition doesn't make the ratings double too! NEXT ON DAYS Rex and Shawn continue their excellent adventure by hacking into like their own computers ... far out! Tuesday April 12, 2005 Get ready for REX AND SHAWN'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE! Party on, dudes! "Pet Trick" (Patrick) gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT but he's really outta luck in the couple's department ... With Hope he'd be POPE With Billie he'd be PILLIE With Jennifer he'd be PENNIFER and last, but not least, with Nicole he'd be PICOLE, which, if you say it fast, sounds like PICKLE! Chloe is alive but Brady wears that suit like an undertaker! Nancy was priceless with that urn/ring moment - it would be a major logic blooper not to have her Royal Fun-ness on more! Plus, she and Brady do play very well together ... Lovin' it! NEXT ON DAYS Brady asks Marilyn Monroe's crypt to marry him too ... Mimi reports her 1970s curling iron gone wild to the Salem P.D. ... Monday April 11, 2005 Today was a DAYS of 4 FLASHBACKS! Tek and Lexie's chit chat at half-dead Jan's bedside was pretty bizarre! How nice of the writers to recall that Rex is an Associate Professor - with a decent salary - and yet he tends bar and races to Bonnie when he needs his bartending paycheck to pay the rent???!!!! NEXT ON DAYS Shawn remembers when his character used to make sense ... Friday April 8, 2005 "Pet Trick", as Billie calls him, continues his SHIRTLESS ALERT Meanwhile, it is the world's longest spring night so how come there are still Christmas lights on the trees outside Alice's? (which is really Tuscany, we're all just having a bad nightmare, I'm sure!) Salem's Keystone Cops tell Stan to stick around cos they'll need his statement, then they take off har har har! Plus, Stan and Mimi YELL about Mimi's secret and now her secret accident that looks like attempted murder but don't let on to anyone, just hide behind some bushes in a public place and YELL all about it!!! Never mind crime, we've got a major storyline BUST going on - Sami's list of meanies! Zzzzzz NEXT ON DAYS "Pet Trick" makes his debut on Letterman ... Thursday April 7, 2005 Buffmeister Bo gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT! Patrick also gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT (sorry, could not bring meself to put them two fellas in the same line!) How ISA is Billie, now not even able to taste the alcohol in her mega-spiked drink, huh! Don't quit your day job ...! Rex and Shawn have their very large ... window (get your mind outta the gutter!) wide open in the dead of the dark spring night (yup, the same night that's been going on for about a month), also not worried about bugs,bats, etc, flying into their warm, lit, now very open apartment! (last time it was the Black penthouse) NEXT ON DAYS Billie and Patrick ride the bull right off NBC, with Chelsea hot on their heels! Wednesday April 6, 2005 Shawn's motivation for trying to rescue Phil makes sense, yet his belief that he can beat the terrorists is not likely. He is an intelligent young man, come on! The writers make him fall off Bo's bike every time he sits on it, now they have him morph into a superhero? And just when/where/how did the metamorphosis/training take place and why didn't the viewers hear about it! I said it before, I'll say it again - he's a lover, not a fighter! Give the dude an interesting career already, a life, a love life etc. (or at least one of the above)! Today too many folks did what they usually do - went from here to there, repeating themselves, saying what they plan to say or do blah blah blah ... All wasted airtime, with the exception of the world's greatest flashback - that of Bo and Hope and Fancy Face! The past was good, yes we know, now's here's to hoping the sun does eventually rise over Salem, Siberia, and people actually DO something! (something that makes sense and does not happen twice, like so many of the actions of late - i.e. Phil's rescue attempt, Jack's upcoming escape, Nancy's Brady conversation ...) Patrick and Rex are not stubble types and look like they've just been released from a prison camp ... Well, whether she is pining after Bow or looking for Georgia Georgia Georgia or trying to be cool with Pattycake (aka Patrick), that Billie chick is just plain weird! Here's to hoping she and Chelsea are just figments of our imagination! NEXT ON DAYS Chelsea gets arrested for stalking all men in Salem who are over the age of 30 and wear their beards terribly ... Tuesday April 5, 2005 Guess who needs the DaysCafe! We had Bo and Hope singing "I Got You Babe" a few months ago on our infamous "Lines the Viewers didn't get to Hear" Page ... and now the show has Rex sing it to Mimi! Yup, you got us, babe! Brady, who gets today's SHIRTLESS ALERT, suavely answers his cell phone by saying "Hello" in Japanese, gives the person on the other end barely enough time to say BOO and then answers that yes, he has those figures ready! Just how fast do the folks in that there Tokyo office talk anyhow! Poor John - those Soviet Stan drugs have made his squinting come back in full force! (or is it just an ISA squint, in silent protest of that company's lack of an employee optical plan?) NEXT ON DAYS Mimi opens a cafe, which she names the DaysCafe ... |