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| January 14, 2005 Oh my Lord! Billie and Bo have now been duped by none other than Siegfried and Roy - and Siegfried was in drag, looking like Frau Doubtfire! How on earth could Bo even keep a straight face! I wonder who the culturally challenged writer was who made Bo state that Georgia was not a European sounding name! First of all, Europe is not a country, it consists of many, whose languages might be English (England), French (France), Italian (Italy), Greek (Greece) and the list goes on! Second of all, I myself have only ever known three Georgias - and interestingly enough, they were all Greek gals ... NEXT ON DAYS Horton the tiger shows up, announcing that he is Georgia ... Prince Harry volunteers to give Days writers a workshop on cultural sensitivity ... January 13, 2005 The geographically challenged folks of Salem discuss Bo and Billie being "in Europe", which leads new or occasional viewers to assume they might be in Paris, France, London, England, etc ... Or perhaps they are getting ready to run with the bulls eventually in Spain! In fact, Dr. Lexie, multi-talented as she may be, did not have the authority to hire John to investigate hospital security ... Super hot blooded? It's mighty cold and wintry but Jan is running around in a summer top and Belle doesn't even get frostbite in her nightie outside! Meanwhile, the increasingly clueless Rex gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT NEXT ON DAYS Grandpa Shawn starts putting extra sugar in his tea so Brady, Nicole and Kate do an intervention ... January 12, 2005 Phil continues to be packaged to viewers as a good guy, yet, amid his SHIRTLESS ALERT, he starts off his marriage to Belle with a big fat lie, telling her that his scraped knuckles were "nothing", after he has punched Shawn. The name of this game is deceit and potential abuse - buyer beware! Huh? ISA broad Billie wishes to drop by the house of Georgia's presumably adoptive parents in the middle of the night unannounced to claim her spawn and she doesn't even speak the local language! And here's another HUH - Belle thanking Philip for the fact that he was generous enough to have a fling with her on their wedding night! Gimme a mega-break! Meanwhile, Patrick and Rex also get a SHIRTLESS ALERT NEXT ON DAYS John buys season's tickets to all the Grateful Dead concerts across the continent and grows his hair down to his shoulders ... January 11, 2004 Patrick (aka Pattycake) apologizes for his bod dripping water on Jennifer's nice floor but he does it anyhow, not to mention that yesterday it didn't seem to bother him that he dripped sweat on her nice floor! Chelsea's character is too young to be a horny ho ... If Belle and Phil truly wanted to have privacy on their wedding night, they would have gone to a hotel, out of town, etc. Meanwhile, Pattycake and Phil get a SHIRTLESS ALERT All those flashbacks point to one thing - our beloved show has in reality become a 30 minute show ... NEXT ON DAYS Club Echelon re-opens in Jennifer's livingroom ... January 10, 2005 Holy horse race! This Mickey looks just like a BOOKIE! That hat must have grown onto Billie's scalp, which is why she can no longer take it off ... Meanwhile, Phil and Bo get a SHIRTLESS ALERT I could hardly hear a word Phil said today - just kept wondering when that buckling bandaid was gonna finally fall off his forehead ... Place your bets! Mickey the Bookie will let y'all know the odds ... NEXT ON DAYS Mickey announces that the odds are not in favor of Billie finding anyone or anything other than a pink slip ... January 7, 2005 Looks like Abe isn't the only character with temporary soap opera blindness ... The Lorenzo Lamas lookalike fascist guard doesn't recognize Jack up close today, at the Swiss/Austrian/Russian inn of the Transylvanian/German village in the country of NRS (National Republic of Stereotypes), Europe! Surely Pattycake (aka Patrick) could do his sweaty aerobics somewhere other than Jennifer's elegant livingroom ... Hopefully the odor didn't penetrate any televisions that were tuned in. Pattycake and Bo get today's SHIRTLESS ALERTS Geesh! Shawn would certainly have remembered that t'was Jan who gave him the drugged drink! NEXT ON DAYS Bart invites the gang at the inn to a Bavarian danceathon, featuring Russian vodka, a dancing bear, international yodelers, Italian hitmen and a giant cuckoo clock for the last couple standing ... January 6, 2005 Well, they have oddly combined parts of Germanic and Eastern European accents, people, culture, etc. but it's high time someone invented a name for this clearly fictitious country ... How about the NATIONAL REPUBLIC OF STEREOTYPES! Hospital security must have a very short memory. Sami was fired from that very hospital for file tampering and yet they now want to know if she has seen who took the missing hospital drugs! And where was that Gomer Pyle security dude when the American patient John was being drugged anyway! A thump on the head to the wannabe Al Jazeera writer who had Phil tell Belle he "forbids" her to talk to Shawn. Last time I checked the desired demographic of this show consisted primarily of women, not those funky Taliban fellas ... Today Rex says he wants some coffee and "You can help me carry it, Jen" - to JAN! No wonder this girl has flipped her lid! Bo and Hope - damnation, that's a flashback - the only flashback! All others today were painful fillers so as to prevent the episode from being a half hour. Today Hope is worried that Shawn is going to jail. Perhaps tomorrow she will remember that good ol' Uncle Mickey is a LAWYER! NEXT ON DAYS Gomer Pyle asks Sami if she's seen patients pocketing cleaning supplies and Lucas warns her not to be a meanie ... January 5, 2005 Zzzzzz ... That was the sound of millions of viewers falling asleep today due to all the flashbacks, fake cliffhangers (i.e. Bo says "I love you" to Billie, then after the commercial he says "as a friend") and repeated repeated dialogue ... But wait! Some viewers did manage to get one eye open, only to wonder why the heck no one has given Philip a shirt already! When they opened their second eye, they quickly decided to shut both again to avoid the imminent dizziness which results from watching Sami bob up and down every time she speaks and Billie's unsettling nodding - and that's a fact! On our beloved soap, the town of Salem really ought to somehow honor the tsunami victims, by having a moment of silence, a storyline fund raiser, etc - Otherwise, it just all seems too petty and self-absorbed ... NEXT ON DAYS Billie admits she's been using tar in lieu of regular eyeliner ... P.S. It should have taken all of 5 minutes for Shawn to find out Belle and Phil were indeed married! January 4, 2005 So many voices screeeeeeaming in the background at the disastrous blood bath wedding, yet they must have been ghosts for all those hysterical voices did not have human bodies attached to them! Also at the church, when Hope calmly talks about Shawn being injured, Jennifer tells her to "calm down" - huh??? It's officially unofficial - Mimi is now a young Bette Midler! Meanwhile, on that European plane ride that never ends ... Billie, with very Charlie Chaplin eye makeup, asks a bemused Bo "Why are you a tack in me?" (guess she meant "attacking" or "attackin" What a pity the ISA does not run pronunciation workshops in addition to theatrical makeup courses...) NEXT ON DAYS Marlena breaks the television set and curses Tony for showing only repeat episodes of "Days Of Our Lives" in which she is still the Salem Stalker ... January 3, 2005 If Kate is so concerned about security, why doesn't she feel suspicious of the suspicious looking dude filming the wedding?! Yikes! Both Marlena and Martha Stewart imprisoned at the same time, wearing the same blue shirt - By Jingo, they ARE the same person!! Bo and Billie go back to them sinister European mountains to look for Georgia, just like that movie "Groundhog Day", where Bill Murray keeps waking up to the same dang day! And here is what a certain exchange sounded like today KATE Don't even think try to interrupt this wedding. SAMI Ho me? NEXT ON DAYS Shawnboy jumps over Niagara Falls with his bike ... December 31, 2004 And the bride got frostbite, standing out in the freezing temperatures, her hands and neck exposed! Actually, no she didn't, nor did Belle even shiver as any human body does in the cold! And speaking of not comprehending the cold ... Billie is headed for snowy mountains with her bare stomach. This gal reminds me of someone who could be Pamela Anderson's sidekick. Given all the car accidents that happen round Salem, the insurance premiums must be sky high and yet not one single person works for an insurance company! The small window in the castle room where Jack is held captive is the same window (in the same place) as at Shawn and Jan's Salem apartment! Thus, viewers must surmise that either Jack is Jan and Shawnboy's secret roomate or Shawn is currently being held captive in a European castle - take your pick! Patrick and Brady's new beards = Taliban time! (only Bo does the beard thing justice!) P.S. Go Power Ranger Shawnboy, go! While you're on that bike (assuming you can get it started), go looking for an identity 'cos it's high time the show gave you one instead of making you a Bo clone or a caged wonder. Poor guy. He has had the crappiest year! What a great sport he is! NEXT ON DAYS Billie parachutes into Paris, to pick up her favourite eyeliner en route to those sinister European mountains and discovers Georgia working at a swanky French perfume shop ... December 30, 2004 Taday it's junkie John's turn to play limo driver in his long black coat at Belle's wedding! Speaking of da wedding, it's a lose-lose situation. These days, no one wants to see a nice guy who dedicates his life to service (Phil) get his heart broken, nor does anyone want to see a victim (Shawn) get a raw deal, either ... The only way it will work is if Howie Hoffsteder and Jan are the bride and groom! Another thing about the wedding - Kate claims to be happy about it but looks dressed for a funeral ... Hope reminds Bo that they have two sons - Shawn and Zack. Guess Zack must be in hiding with Connor, huh! Still lacking in the logic department, Billie tells Bo she is not about to refuse anyone's offer to help find their daughter yet she does not even bother to try and round up an ISA posse! This Billie also looks too young to have a teenage daughter. Billie mentions she has found coordinates near the DiMera castle and still no mention of WHAT country in Europe - cuz they all know that once it gets uttered, I will have a wonderful logic blooper extravaganza! No matter. I shall wait patiently, as always, for the great day to come ... NEXT ON DAYS Billie's secret junior high school report card is discovered on the DiMera files - and she flunked all subjects! December 29, 2004 With that chauffeur hat she's wearing indoors, looks like Mimi might be the limo driver for Phil and Belle's wedding ... Speaking of hair, Shawnboy sports a very girlie do today! Gee, Lucas' job interview must have been with the invisible man, which is why the entire job and company it was for are invisible, not to mention the follow up that never was! Like mother like daughter? Clueless Kate continues to trust Eugenia and wide eyed panting Billie has got to be the least likely ISA agent on the planet - even Spector the Elvis impersonator was more convincing! NEXT ON DAYS Celeste has a premonition that a wedding is about to take place ... December 28, 2004 John's apparent perspiring and shivering look like someone suffering from withdrawl symptoms or an overdose but smart Lexie is not permitted - by the script - to notice ... Sami could easily have returned to the county clerk's office when Eugenia was on break or she could have complained to Eugenia's supervisor ... Poor Chloe's scars are getting worse by the day. Meanwhile, lost love Brady gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT and Nicole really needs to go to confession before she starts lurking around the Catholic Church - something a priest would have figured out for himself, for crying out loud! A priest is a priest, not a happy host who invites anyone and everyone to come on in and get married! NEXT ON DAYS Nicole's Colin Murphy tape winds up on the news ... Philip continues to morph into Bart Simpson ... December 27, 2004 Bo and Hope are an amazingly powerful and interesting TEAM. Translation: Billie makes it all borrrring! Given her employment record - i.e. she was fired by the hospital for tampering with records - Eugenia, that Connie Rice wannabe, would not have been able to secure any kind of position as a county clerk. Even temps have to go thru certain security and background checks! So, Billie claims she has to know if the Georgia message on her PDA is real right away and yet she didn't bother to tell anyone about it right away! This poor gal is being written flakier than a barbie doll, for crying out loud! Meanwhile ... Shawnboy and his dark side are starting to wear very thin ... Lucas needs to get the mother of his child - that means Sami - an appointment with a THERAPIST before she kills someone ... NEXT ON DAYS Sami boobie traps John's crutches ... December 24, 2004 Well, there you have it - Bawdy Bonnie hijacked the Horton Christmas gathering with her tacky mouth, her tacky ornament etc ... Hey! Perhaps that was where the ever elusive Connor was hiding - in that big tacky ornament! Also, Mickey's arrogance - and his totally unreal scenario - are making me want to give him a good swift kick in the behind, regardless of the season!!! Doug ought to have been reading The DaysCafe Christmas 2003 version of T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, which ended up being a spoiler of sorts tee hee! NEXT ON DAYS Billie starts to receive hate mail from Georgia and is much moved ... December 23, 2004 Lucas is a great guy but that necklace he gives Sami is long and yet he makes her turn around so he can put it on her! Hope would surely not have thought Grandpa Shawn's voice was that of Bo! Yesterday Jennifer was dressed as a Christmas present, today it's the civil war soldier look ... as Kate camps out chez John in a summer top! NEXT ON DAYS Billie asks Santa Claus if he has seen Georgia ... December 22, 2004 Patrick is going Taliban again - i.e. don't grow that ratty beard back, bucko! His shirt today looks very Captain Kirk (Star Trek series). Beam me up, Patty! And he and Jennifer seem to be where they were before when she thought Jack was dead, he was there blah blah blah - and nobody liked it then either. He is far better with Billie, who also needs a damn life of her own! Oh Gawd NOOOOO! Chelsea is starting to act like Jan! Double trouble ratings killers!!!!! Bonnie, Maggie and Mickey's scene was GROTESQUE! Brady meanwhile gets a major CLUELESS ALERT! NEXT ON DAYS Billie decides to kiss the fascisti guards for practice ... December 21, 2004 ToDAY .. Billie's lips have begun to expand ... (wonder if it's from huffing and puffing "Bo" or "Georgia" so many times) Nicole is an anorexic Santa ... Bo gets bitten by a cross between a whip and a computer generated snake ... Philip and Belle start to look related ... Mimi and Jan keep having the same conversation the same conversation the same conversation ... NEXT ON DAYS Ahnold fires the fascisti guards for being such girlie men ... December 20, 2004 Jennifer's character is being incorrectly written! A newspaper reporter would know better than to leave her newborn alone with a man with a questionable past, plus her calling Alice "little girl" is too disrespectful for words ... Fascisti Bo and Billie don't even seem to care who might be in charge of da castle and there is no ISA backup in sight ... Yeah, right! Poor Victor! Not for being held captive, but rather for the fact that they have now given the once mighty tycoon Grandpa Walton's wardrobe! All the false cliffhangers are gonna make viewers change the channel, guys! Scamming trash like Bonnie does not belong on my screen, especially during the holiday season! Meanwhile, today we have THREE FLASHBACK ALERTS! MEGA-FILLER! (Mimi, Vic, and Shawnboy) NEXT ON DAYS Kupee hops aboard the Orient Express ... December 17, 2004 I realize she did look cute regardless, but that hat they dumped on Belle's head today looked like a hat the mad hatter from "Alice in Wonderland" would wear ... Meanwhile, the rest of her friends are looking more and more like characters out of "Fargo" ... If loyal Brady is so worried about his da, perhaps he ought to try spending more time visiting him, instead of letting the once powerful dude lie around in that hospital bed all alone, waiting to be poisoned some more by the gloved fiend! Billie is now addicted to saying "Georgia" in every sentence. She's also awfully loud, considering she and Bo are trying not to be heard in da castle, where fascist guards ("black shirts" - see Hidden Clues ) roam the halls ... Speaking of those fascist guards - one of them looks just like Lorenzo Lamas! So Chloe's doctor recommends a specialist in Salem, huh! Crazy coincidence but heck, if it gets the Wesleys back in town, it's worth it! Don't think that "specialist" will be Lexie, though - that gal doc has got too much on her plate these days, what with busily overlooking the fact that John is continuously being drugged by an outsider right under her watch! NEXT ON DAYS Rex and Phil start finishing their sentences with "eh" ... December 16, 2004 John's nightmarish hallucinations and Celeste "feeling death" are too horrific at an unhorrific time of year ... Yikes! Our beloved show has been hijacked by flashback gremlins! Billie's ISA routine is very Inspector Clouseau-ish. Then again, that was quite the cardboard castle window that opened when Bo tapped it! Speaking of royalty ... What was Bonnie doing with that Louis XVI wig on her annoying, most unroyal head? Rex tells Mimi that brainwashing and the like only happen on t.v., like on that show PASSIONS. Not exactly so - you see, it also happens FROM t.v., whence DAYS viewers are brainwashed about Passions Passions and more Passions! NEXT ON DAYS Rex scolds Mimi for spending so much time on the DAYS Cafe Hidden Clues page and I remind the lad that he doesn't really exist anyway ... December 15, 2004 That hat they glued to Mimi's head must be awfully tight, which explains why she assumes Jan and her cage will be happily waiting for her as is when she shows up with her pals ... Brandon tells Sami he doesn't think she wants to repeat whatever happened before, but these days it's all about repeated dialogue repeated dialogue anyhow! Belle loves Shawn so it is unlikely she would have for a minute thought back that she was with Phil when she was with Shawn but she still wonders who she was with ... Nope, that sentence makes no sense, as it reflects that storyline! Georgia! Georgia! Georgia! Georgia! Georgia! And here is the door of Georgia and here are the Georgia files ... No wonder Billie's mama Kate keeps sighing up a storm across the miles! Meanwhile, Lucas as himself and Lucas as when he morphs into Brandon get a SHIRTLESS ALERT NEXT ON DAYS Billie finds Georgia's old milk bottle and vows to crack its code ... December 14, 2004 Come on Billie, use your ISA head! Georgia's stuff at the castle looking mighty unused is just too bloody unlikely! P.S. Look up for the security cameras - if they taught you about those in ISA college ... Oh my HEAVENS! Even in his other side scenes, Shawnboy manages to garner yet another SHIRTLESS ALERT! Mimi's old pal tells her "Shawn Brady and Bo Black" were brought into the hospital ... So who the heck is this Bo Black??? Diva Kate would surely have more smarts than to trust Eugenia with everything, not to mention that her conducting telephone bribes from Basic Black could get the company in a lot of hot water, delisted, etc ... So much for being corporate! Yes, we know that there's a snowstorm outside - no need to make everyone wander around INDOORS with their brand new scarf in full view ...! NEXT ON DAYS Shawn and Belle ask for HIS and HER bedpans ... December 13, 2004 Foliage anyone?! Some of them Salem trees that ski bunnies Phil and Rex brush past are the same ones that Bo and Billie walk thru - in Europe! Speaking of Europe ... nope, that wasn't Olga from the Volga - t'was Maggie in her new Russian winterwear! And speaking of Rex ... Looks like Lucas has borrowed the bartending genius' white undershirt ... Meanwhile, Shawn and Belle get today's SHIRTLESS ALERT and the gloved wonder hopping about John's IV gets a total headless alert ... NEXT ON DAYS Putin's wife asks Maggie for her coat and hat back ... December 10, 2004 Eskimo Kate complains she can't see well - chances are it's due to all that heavy eye makeup, not the snow! At the beginning of today's episode, Phil and Rex, clad in leather, look ready to jump up and act out a scene from "Grease", later transforming into a pair of slow moving ski bunnies ... Shawnboy - who gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT - never used to call Belle "baby"! Dr. Lexie is a smart lady who even figured out that Sami would toy with her hospital records once - she surely would have figured out by now that John is being drugged! Yikes! Sounded like Kupee was talking for real this time! NEXT ON DAYS Kupee skates off for help, colliding with Rex and Phil, who develop amnesia and then believe that they too are Kupee dolls! December 9, 2004 Bo and Billie's scene gets repeated at the start of today's episode, as does Jan and Mimi's. Talk about a bloody time warp! If Sami calls Lucas "the father of my child" one more time ... AHHHHHHH! (pulls out hair) Mimi is supposed to be a bright girl so she would have told Belle about the cage right away on the phone and would also have had the common sense to summon the cops - pronto! Here Europe, there Europe, everywhere Europe mentioned, like it's just a town! And if they aren't headed for Britain, Bo and Billie will be needing an interpreter they are not taking along! Julie is now the best ISA agent/cop in town, for she and she alone wondered about the credibility of the Billie files which Billie copied onto a disk ... Shawnboy's love for Belle makes him so warm all over that his bare hands in freezing temperatures do not get frozen/frostbitten or even cold! NEXT ON DAYS Sami starts referring to Kate as "the mother of the father of my child" Shawn and Belle make all the snow and ice in Salem melt when they kiss up a storm ... December 8, 2004 Mimi states that Jan must be able to brainwash people as she made Mimi put Chloe's nude pics online way back when - but there was no brainwashing involved! The flashback scenes must have been longer than today's actual show, which means we were watching a half hour show! The radio d.j. announces that because of the snow/ice storm, "Travel is dangerous." "Hazardous" is more likely what a d.j./weatherman would say. Come on now! Bo wouldn't even have kissed a woman other than Hope in his sleep! Furthermore, Billie being after Bo, a happily married man, is so 1970s, it makes one grateful that we are not in 1970s soapland anymore because they were major such snoozefests at times! Salem is not in the south, yet Lucas somehow ends up at the Dukes of Hazzard convenience store ... By the way, it is not likely that Tony DiMera (or any DiMera) would own the German castle that the Disney gang made their own castle after! (also, many European castles look similiar ...) NEXT ON DAYS Michael Jackson claims that Castle DiMera is a replica of Neverland ... December 7, 2004 Bo assures Billie " ... we'll find our daughter and she'll be healthy and happy." Billie then cries out "Don't even say that! She's gotta be ok!" No wonder Bo looked speechless! I was speechless too! Yesterday Hope and Jennifer are desperate housewives, today they are desperate housewives eating icecream ... Belle recalls Shawn saying that she's not the same girl he fell in love with. You bet she's not! That actress is long gone! It's snowing but Salemites are running around in their shoes, not a boot in sight - with the exception of Hope, who puts her shiney boots on her livingroom sofa ... Out of character alert! Hmph! Talk about a double standard! Sami gets warned about bigamy but Mickey gets to go through with it! Boo! Hiss! A remote village in European mountains, huh? NEWS FLASH - NOTHING in Europe is remote these days! Sami and Lucas started off with that repeated scene and it looked like we had all been thrust back to yesterday. I hope that doesn't mean that snowstorm we had in my city will get repeated ... NEXT ON DAYS Celeste has a premonition that when Will turns 16, he will get his driver's license ... December 6, 2004 Ouch! Poor Chloe's facial sores must be in even greater pain from the long hair that keeps brushing on them ... Brady gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT today and also a hologram alert! The snow wasn't melting outside. Translation: It was bloody freezing but Sami's gloveless hands don't notice! Speaking of Sami, if she says WANNA one more time, I shall scream! Here's another hot lead for the ISA - news flash! Europe is a whole ol' continent and not the name of some little town like they seem ta think! Meanwhile, Hope and Jennifer are starting to act like desperate housewives ... NEXT ON DAYS NBC gives me the best Christmas present - they beam Craig right into my livingroom! Sigh. December 3, 2004 Looks like the Penthouse Grill has replaced Tuscany as the upscale place to see and be seen! However ... just outside the PH Grill looks suspiciously just like outside Tuscany - aka Alice's - which means they must share the same shrubs and year round Christmas lights! Nicole's "He really likes me" squeak about Brady sounds like Sally Field's old Oscar acceptance speech ... How romantic of Brady to take Nicole outside to show her his presumably dead sweetheart's star - NOT! Meanwhile, Shawnboy looks like even more of a druggie with that hat on, Jan gets a choking alert, and burly Bo gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT. P.S. Sami sounds kinda drunk in today's episode! NEXT ON DAYS Lucas crashes into Santa Claus ... December 2, 2004 Rex and Phil get an undershirt alert but moments later, Phil takes it to the next level with a full fledged SHIRTLESS (and bottomless?) ALERT! Oh la la! It was not very bright of crackhead Shawnboy to tell Jan about his clandestine upcoming rendezvous with Belle on the rooftop. Speaking of Jan - aka the Belle-from-hell- she is now not only a technical genius and welder, but a sudden expert in brainwashing and mind control techniques as well, which she manages to accomplish within seconds on a daily basis, without ever messing her hair or smearing her makeup! Oh dear! Agent Spector is helping find Georgia, which means that she too could end up looking like an Elvis impersonator! Stay tuned! Mimi's head must be very hot, given how she keeps wearing that thick knitted hat indoors ... NEXT ON DAYS Belle and Shawn bungee jump off the rooftop ... Georgia is discovered alive, safe, and living at Graceland ... December 1, 2004 Never mind the drunken state, the hangover - somebody needs to help poor Shawnboy and WASH HIS JEANS ALREADY! Perhaps that's why the lad has been too stressed to notice that Jan keeps insulting his beloved Belle to her face ... Interestingly, Brady's selective morality rules apply to Jan but not Nicole, with whom he has so little energy, he almost isn't! That having been said, the inconsistent lad gets today's SHIRTLESS ALERT. Philip's hair gets longer by every Marine minute ... Must be his latest attempt at a dishonorable discharge, unless of course, he is an imposter, as we have long suspected, and those cool uniforms are merely rentals! Meanwhile, Sami's shrieking and gasping makes one start to worry for her health. Lucas, do call for help before the poor girl chokes! NEXT ON DAYS Celeste predicts that Sami and Brandon will one day read the same fortune cookie ... November 30, 2004 Oh oh! The numbers have spoken! The recent ratings dive back down to 2.7 doth seem to indicate that nobody really wants to see Billie pine after Bo again and Jan has worn thin with her antics, which were never welcome either! They are both good actresses, though - hope to see them with better scenarios in the future ... Aloha! Sami's scarf looks more like a Hawaiian lei while Jennifer appears to have been attacked by that giant lily pad on her torso! Mimi, however, has been ordered by the powers that be to don a Cindy Lauper wig, thus reminding viewers that she is a tad more funky and liberal than pal Belle ... as if we didn't know, duh! Meanwhile, Jan and Nicole repeat a conversation that they had last month and the month before that and the month before that ... One of John's loooong sighs today sounds like a gas leak! What a set of lungs! NEXT ON DAYS Brady decides to legally change his last name to "Bunch" ... John jumps up in his bed and does a rain dance ... November 29, 2004 Gee, those county jail bars look wooden - perhaps someone should ask Jan for advice on how to construct a proper jail! Speaking of Shawnboy ... it is odd that he still hasn't sobered up seeing as he's been locked up all night. I do not recall seeing him swallow a tequila worm! Lucas gets today's SHIRTLESS ALERT, then heads out of the apartment still shirtless, not having bothered to don a top for the occasion. Brrr! Mama Kate, meanwhile, has to get thru her scenes today with what appears to be a dead jellyfish on her elegant suit jacket ... Math 101? Billie states that Georgia is a teenager by now ... Heeheehee - a 5 year old one at that! Lemme see, even if she's 5, she'll still be more mature than hissy fit girl Sami! NEXT ON DAYS Philip morphs into Jude Law so Belle jumps his bones ... Sami applies to become the world's oldest ever Mousekateer ... November 26, 2004 Every time she is supposed to be serious about something - whether it's ISA business or finding her long lost daughter, somebody makes Billie wear pink! Selective memory loss? Marlena has no idea where she is with Roman, yet just a couple of years ago, she spent Valentine's Day in that same room with hubby John - as they were investigating the DiMera Compound on DiMera Island!!! Speaking of John ... never mind his expanding hat - what is up with Philip's new Bart Simpson hairdo???! NEXT ON DAYS Sami bakes a cake and the entire town of Salem burns down ... November 24, 2004 Two thumbs down to Kate imagining shooting Sami the turkey ... haven't we heard enough on the news lately about real shootings of innocent people on a hunt??? Crikey! Kate did look glorious today, by the by, but she was wearing a coat that made her look ready to try out for "Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat" ... When Rex and Mimi run into Jan in her slinky purple sleepwear, naughty Rex's wandering eyes look Ms. Spears up and down - and then some! Tsk tsk! Why does Jennifer keep receiving guests in her bathrobe, as if it were the most natural thing to do??? Meanwhile, Lucas and Shawnboy the Dark side get today's SHIRTLESS ALERTS NEXT ON DAYS Brandon admits he has spent the past months staring at Sami's photo and nothing more ... November 23, 2004 Gee, with looooong earrings like that, How can Dr. Lexie use her stethoscope properly? Huh? Since when was Patrick the resident Dr. Phil, dishing out his views on the pyschology of children, in addition to unsolicted advice for those with real relationships, unlike him! Rex is looking more and more like Archie Bunker, with his stubble, uncombed hair and that nasty white undershirt ... Whatever happened to the boy genius? Not very academic of late, if you ask me! November sweeps? Here's something that should be swept under the carpet ... Yet another death that was discovered to be faked by supposedly dead Stefano???? Can you say old ... recycled ... recycled ... old???! NEXT ON DAYS The ISA announces its belief that Stefano also faked the death of Jesus Christ, thus changing the outcome of world religions these past 2000 or so years ... November 22, 2004 As she leaves Alice's, Billie wistfully whispers "Goodbye Mo"!!! Word has it that Larry and Curly, meanwhile, could not be reached for comment! Instead of trying to connect the dots on bogus files, why don't them Keystone Cops do something useful - like provide security at the hospital already or, better yet, arrest the horny ol' toad Mickey Horton has become for BIGAMY! Shawnboy continues to be verbally abusive, calling Belle a "slut." Hmmm. Might this be an attempt to make him fall out of favor with viewers? Might the rumors about the lad wanting out of his contract be true? Keep in mind that when the last Philip called his contract quits, he was given a very very strange hairdo in his last DAYS ... NEXT ON DAYS Celeste admits she cannot read a damn thing and has been improvising this whole time ... November 19, 2004 If Shawnboy the Dark Side is so into his future plans, as he tells papa Bo, then why the heck doesn't he have any ...! This is by far the best Billie but the poor thing is surely doomed if she will be reduced to panting after Bo like her last storyline and the one before that and the one before that! For shame! Why was no one at John's bedside for the night - the poor fella just escaped death and now his legs are paralyzed! Well, he did fare better than pal Abe, who got shipped off the minute he announced he couldn't see ... Yikes! Remind me never to get sick in Salem! NEXT ON DAYS John challenges the Grim Reaper to a duel ... Kate offers to pay for Lucas and Sami's cruise, provided it's on a sinking ship that sinks at least as fast as her current storyline ... November 18, 2004 Maggie needs a lawyer - and I am not talking about that ol' coot Mickey! It is really classless to have a food fight on a soap opera, given how there are so many starving people in the world ... Oh dear! I bet the producers didn't realize that when they brought Brandon back, he and Sami would SIZZLE in the chemistry department like that! They look like something hot off the cover of a romance novel! Meanwhile, buff Bo gets a second SHIRTLESS ALERT That country dancing was a major filler! Next time the show is out of ideas, instead of yet another Bonnie dancathon, they oughtta put on a few minutes of something real interesting - like a few viewers spouting off! NEXT ON DAYS Mickey packs his bags and heads for Saudi Arabia ... November 17, 2004 Since when was Billie Captain ISA? Where is her supervisor??! She is supposed to be a junior ISA agent, after all! Meanwhile, the position of the Salem P.D. - who continue to be written like Keystone Cops - is that Lockhart is clean because he was hired by DiMera to get to everybody ... but maybe he didn't mean it? And why has he not been arrested for assaulting a police officer? There were at least two instances in which he punched out Hope!!! Abusers do not good heroes make! Bo, however, gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT as he and Hope prove that their love scenes still rule daytime! Poor John - if Kate and Sami continue to carry on like that, he will be reduced to a life of pain ... It's called a headache that never ends! So, the serial killer was not a killer and the living were not killed so they were living but then everyone thought they were dead but they were living but then some of them are now thought dead again but they are living but some of the dead who were living are actually known to be living ... Ok, now I get it. Let's all sing ... This is the storyline that never ends ... It just goes on and on and on ... NEXT ON DAYS Billie continues to visit all the single men in Salem, winking and handing them envelopes ... November 16, 2004 Hellooooo! Earth to Mickey! It is called BIGAMY!!! Gee, Billie sure doesn't seem very ISA with her low cut pink top, shiney lip gloss and breathy voice ... More Club Echelon than ISA! She sleeps, passes out, etc. but Marlena's hair still manages to get even more curly! Meanwhile ... Landlubbing hubby John's "do" is starting to look like a hunting hat - and that's a fact! NEXT ON DAYS Billie announces she has the secret files from the mainframe of Lavalife ... NEXT ON THE TRAWLER Roman wins the limbo competition ... November 15, 2004 Oh boy! Sami is being written like a neurotic 12 year old again as she races around, yelling and hyperventilating up a storm ... Kate, on the other hand, has gone back to sounding like Bette Davis in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" ... Bet if John could use his legs, he'd run away from the whole bloody lot of them! Why does Jennifer continue to trust Patrick the criminal??? Has she lost her mind? Is that wig even heavier than it looks???! NEXT ON DAYS Avenger Hope gets the goods on Jan ... A class action lawsuit is filed against Shawnboy, for blinding passersby with that neon bandage on his forehead ... November 12, 2004 Patrick admitted he worked for Mastermind Tony so why has he not been arrested??? Speaking of law enforcement ... surely the returning Salem Island gang would first have to be "debriefed" and afterwards would also end up being swarmed by the media! So how many days has Jennifer's baby now gone without seemingly being fed hmmm! WELCOME ABOARD THE WHITE TRASH EXPRESS ... The writers seem very confused, given that they have not made any mention of the fact that Mickey's second "marriage" is INVALID as he was still legally married, not to mention that he has broken the law by attempted BIGAMY - and he's supposed to be a lawyer?! Can't anybody figure it out??? NEXT ON DAYS Bonnie announces she's also married to Elvis and James Dean ... November 11, 2004 ToDAY Alice continues to be M.I.A. (baking cookies at sea perhaps?), John's wild hair continues to spiral out of control, and now that the heavies are back in action, Jan and Bonnie seem even more amateur than ever ... Meanwhile, the boy returns a man! Wow! With that kind of intensity, Brandon needs to be front and center, yes sirreee! And I can think of a handful of young so-called male "leads" who could be cut to make room for this talented young man who has clearly come into his own ... NEXT ON DAYS Maggie demands to know what happened to the REAL Mickey ... Abe threatens to keep his eyes closed until Tek takes a hike ... November 10, 2004 Who cares about this imposter Mickey and his bogus wedding - Maggie needs to get her priorities straight and head straight to the nearest hairdresser! Poor Roman! Why, if one took off all the years of his life during which he was held captive by DiMeras, the fellow would likely be all of 3 years old! Speaking of Roman the supercop - why didn't he even try to overpower Bart or Tony, given that he is fighting for his life and that of Marlena as well ... Lucky Celeste! She gets to wear the most gorgeous outfits and sit around all day, reading tarot cards ... Sigh! NEXT ON DAYS Sami admits she's been having impure thoughts about the Pope ... NEXT ON THE JAPANESE TRAWLER Yoko Ono invites Marlena and Roman to a peace rally ... November 9, 2004 Shawnboy the Dark Side gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT ... Speaking of the lost lad who still sports a neon bandage on his forehead, he now announces he is dropping out of Salem University, which is quite a feat, as he has not been seen anywhere near a class for a good two years! He must have been disheartened by the very very long bangs which cover his eyes, thus making it all the more difficult to read those tough textbooks! Meanwhile, Jan too seems to have lost some of her brain power - i.e. why would she want Shawnboy and his Dark Side to return to her house in the country, where all of his caged memories shall surely return?! Suspense? Nah! I have no feeling of Mickey tying the knot with another just before Maggie gets home cos that's not Mickey anyhow! By the by, given that he quit partly in protest of the firings of his friends, does it not seem a tad unfair that the original Mickey -John Clarke - is not asked back as well?! NEXT ON DAYS Bonnie changes her name to Mae West ... NEXT WITH THE COAST GUARD The gang hop onto dolphins for their grand return to Salem ... November 8, 2004 With that black hood and those long flat bangs, John looks just like a monk! Meanwhile, when the wise guy Coast Guard announces having launched a "deep sonar probe", Abe Carver, the most intelligent and informed good guy to ever grace Salem, wonders what that will do. Come on now, writers! Abe would surely have known all about what it could do - and then some! Also on the boat that never rocks - Pattycake (aka Patrick) needs to stop hugging the married gals! And Jennifer and Jack's baby should deck him the next time he tries to cuddle up to naive Jennifer! Back in real Salem, Lucas gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT and a BUFF ALERT, which do not go unnoticed by Sami, who chooses him over Brandon once and for all ... NEXT ON DAYS Will decides to get a life ... NEXT ON THE BOAT Tony announces he is also responsible for the sinking of the Titanic ... November 5, 2004 Brady gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT as the Coast Guard almost seems flippant and uncaring about the "survivors", even pronouncing Bo dead when he is not - they're fired! Meanwhile, back in real Salem, Halloween continues (why am I not surprised) as every time she turns on the t.v., Lexie gets an update on the volcano/tidal wave in the Caribbean, which just happens to start at the beginning of the report just for her! Lexie's mama Celeste is currently experiencing her own problems as she doesn't bother to shuffle her tarot cards before predicting anyone's future - and that's a fact! If I counted all the times Rex said the word SECRET in today's episode, I would have no fingers and toes left to spare! NEXT ON DAYS Mickey becomes a runaway bride ... NEXT OFF THE COAST OF NEW SALEM The Little Mermaid shows up and asks Bo for a date ... November 4, 2004 Good heavens! Jennifer Rose certainly lives up to her name when her face appears even more beautiful without all that make up! Bright boy Brady gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT as he plunges into the dark waters of the Caribbean ... Evidently the lad never learned about SHARKS in science class! By the by, yes, I do realize that Bo and Roman jumped in those waters too, but if Bo or Roman were to come across a great white shark ... my money would be on them! Sharks beware! The Brady brothers are back in action! Meanwhile, back in real Salem it is still Halloween, which is rumored to continue until December 24! NEXT ON DAYS Bonnie admits she doesn't know why she has a patch over her eye ... NEXT NEAR NEW SALEM Bo fights the tidal wave - and wins! November 3, 2004 If Nicole is to be taken as a true villainess, get her out of that ratty undershirt already and give her some nice clothes - or at least a little poise! Someone needs to tell a certain writer that in this new millenium, Marlena Evans - who is supposed to be a mature, dignified career woman - need not be written like a damsel in distress, for crying out loud! How come John got to do all the great lines, defense, etc ...? During their fight scene, Tony and John must momentarily stop when the volcanic activity causes the room to shake - everything, that is, except the shutters on the walls - which don't even move an inch or a centimeter! Speaking of that unseen volcano, the Salem Island gang do not even seem to consider that the GASES emitted from the dang thing could be even more lethal than the impending eruption (i.e. hurry the hell up) - and that's a fact! Meanwhile, poor Lucas becomes even more of a patsy as Brandon gets all the good lines concerning Sami today ... NEXT ON DAYS Bonnie hires her dog Max to bartend at Alice's ... NEXT ON SALEM ISLAND Tony vows revenge on John Edwards for daring to interrupt him ... November 2, 2004 Sami would surely have recognized former flame Brandon's hands the moment she looked down at them! What is up with this Will "Leave it to Beaver" airtime??? What's the target demographic? (Wally could not be reached for comment ...) Why wouldn't any of the Salem Island gang wonder if Tony were really madman Andre pretending to be Tony, instead of standing around gaping at new "madman" Tony, who, by the way, was certainly missing sufficient backup - where oh where are those goons when you need them! Meanwhile, Maggie proves she's more of a blonde than a redhead (just kidding!), Billie sounds like she has a bad case of laryngitis, and Bo's flashdance top makes him look ready to start a dance number right then and there on pier 17, which also sounds like the name of Salem's hottest new dance club! NEXT ON DAYS Mickey admits his ultimate goal in life is to marry white trash and wear a glow in the dark jacket - after all, that's what he went to law school for ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Patrick finally admits he is a member of the Taliban ... November 1, 2004 Oh no! Please tell me it's not gonna be Halloween for the next 30 days! Ahhhh! Isn't it amazing how, despite the falling ash, wind, etc - all the gals on Salem Island always manage to have fluffy, freshly blowdried hair (as does Roman!) Meanwhile, back in real Salem, Bonnie is very scary indeed as for Halloween she dresses up as - HERSELF! YIKES! Never mind Abe - when will Celeste use those crystals to track down baby Theo, who has been MIA for even longer than the undead dead on Salem Island! NEXT ON DAYS Will decides to get a life of his own instead of butting into that of his parents and Dr. Phil is all for it ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Bo bungee jumps inside the volcano ... October 29, 2004 As the lava cometh, Jennifer worries about what Alice ought to pack for phase 2 of the adventure, which is to be on the raft the gang is now building , which begs the question - why didn't they bother to build a raft sooner, hmmm? Meanwhile, real Salem has gotten so boring, one almost pities the gang for having to go back there! Memo to NBC's Marketing Department and Soap City: (from me, ahem) Please come out with a line of phoenix jewelry, including phoenix rings (real gold), phoenix pendants, phoenix necklaces, all phoenix all the time - yeah! P.S. And don't forget about the Tony DiMera banner I'm still waiting for. Thanks for reading ... NEXT ON DAYS Eugenia dresses up as the Easter Bunny and Sami is scared silly ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Hope tells Bo there's no hurry as she ponders taking a lava bath ... October 28, 2004 Holy hairdresser! Shawnboy appears to have finally gotten a much needed trim - in the middle of today's scene!!! Meanwhile ... Lucas and Phil get a SHIRTLESS ALERT and Diva Celeste gets a GLAMOUR ALERT (nobody does it better, dahling!) The Brandon/Sami, Kate/Sami and Nicole/Vic stuff seems very recycled from last year and the year before that and the year before that ...! NEXT ON DAYS The gang realize they have been in Salem all along, in a haunted mansion ... Stefano's bones jump up and do a little jig ... October 27, 2004 The DiMeras are, without a doubt, Masters of Deception, so why do the Salem simpletons assume 'tis Stefano or even a real corpse just because it wears the phoenix ring, and why do they accept "Tony"'s truths at face value? Ah yes, I forgot, they are supposed to be simpletons - or are they ...?! That having been said ... Salem Island is still way more exciting than real Salem today, which proves to be so slooow, it almost isn't! If Brady starts another sentence to Vic with "Grandad", I shall screeeeeam! Meanwhile, Lucas gets today's SHIRTLESS ALERT as mama Kate appears to be wearing an overstarched napkin on her elegant suit ... NEXT ON DAYS Sami realizes that Celeste is a psychic too - and she offers FREE advice ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Vic starts calling Brady "Grandson", Bo "Son", whilst Bo starts calling Vic "Dad", Hope "Wife", Brady "Nephew", etc. etc. etc. ... until Tony tells them all to shut the bloody hell up! October 26, 2004 Poor Stefano really overdid it with the diet ...! Seriously, though - that burnt skeleton was likely no more than another one of Tony/Andre's effects to further dupe the Salem simpletons (just like his fake scars) ... Bright boy Brady pulls Vic off Nicole when he attempts to kill her and then wisely states that Vic and his blushing (I mean choking) bride have a future together? Huh? Who hit this lad on the head is what I'd like to know! Meanwhile, Phil sleeps thru most of today's episode with his SHIRTLESS ALERT - at least until Jan - aka that ratings executioner - wakes him up by chopping up his favourite rented uniform. Talk about an inconvenience! Hopefully our wannabe marine at least had it insured! NEXT ON DAYS Jan cuts her hair ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM John puts forth his best Elvis impersonation in an attempt to get the gang freed, until Roman alerts him to the fact that Stefano can't hear it anyhow, while Tony/Andre claims it would have killed the big guy all over again ... October 25, 2004 It's a veritable Keystone extravaganza today when Abe, Roman and John stare at the back of "Stefano" 's chair, assuming he's in it, not even noticing that the big guy's cigar smoke is flowing continuously - i.e. no one is smoking the darn thing! And that's a Keystone fact! Awww, come on, we know that's Andre the madman pretending to be Tony! Bring back the real, Tony, I say! Bo's flashdance rip in his top grows even larger today as Hope's tank top momentarily appears a tad too see-through for daytime programming! Meanwhile, sleeping beauty Phil, apparently tired out from a night with virgin Belle (is she wilder than she looks?) gets today's SHIRTLESS ALERT. NEXT ON DAYS Shawnboy the Dark Side takes to sleeping Upside down ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Marlena slaps "Stefano"'s cigar, which turns out to be Ed the Sock ... October 22, 2004 Phil the Mighty Wannabe Marine leaps into action today with his SHIRTLESS ALERT, necking up a storm with Jan in his sleep, then waking up, following Jan's orders to dress before her, then racing to the rooftop like Dudley Doright - or perhaps even Robin, but never a full fledged Batman - in his trunks, to save Belle from ... well, herself pretty much! Shawnboy, meanwhile, gets crankier by the minute, likely from the discomfort of those outta control bangs! Pattycake (aka Patrick) sure isn't a very bright boy, given how he announces he has set the volcano to blow and there is little time left to escape, after which he stands around and ... well, just stands around, watching his beard grow, perhaps ...? NEXT ON DAYS The landlord finally evicts Shawnboy, Belle, Phil and Jan for loitering on the rooftop ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM John challenges the DiMeras to a squint-off. Stefano retorts he'd rather die again ... October 21, 2004 TODAY ... Roman looks confused (who can blame him!), John flexes his expanding muscles, Nicole would rather prove she didn't take a life than save her own, Brady looks like he is wondering what the hell is going on, Bo decides to jump into the volcano, whilst Phil and Shawnboy the Dark Side get a SHIRTLESS ALERT ... NEXT ON DAYS Jan sets her sights on Mickey ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Nicole announces she will save everyone with her hairspray ... October 20, 2004 Brady finally finds out his beloved grandad Vic is really alive and all he can do is scowl/sneer about it and grumble about Nicole's innocence? Brrr! Bo Versus the Volcano sure lets Billie hang on for dear life a very long time whilst claiming he shall save her! If Pattycake (Patrick Upstart Lockhart) is so untrustworthy, how come he gets left in charge??? Gee, must have something to do with the fact that the actor's union requires a less experienced fella to get paid that much less for a day's work blah blah blah! How bloody transparent! Meanwhile, Phil and Shawnboy get a SHIRTLESS ALERT as they cavort with their horny girlfriends ... NEXT ON DAYS Shawnboy discovers he is a virgin ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Darth Vader challenges John to a duel and confesses he is Stefano's father ... October 19, 2004 How many times is Billie gonna try and lock lips with Bo after he revives her! Zzzz! Speaking of this theatre of the contrived ... Sami fantasizes about Brandon just as Kate summons him? Pulease! Oh Good God! Jan's Mrs. Doubtfire got revived today - even if it was just in a pointless flashback! Poor Mimi - who keeps making her wear those damn curtains?! Meanwhile, Phil and Lucas get today's SHIRTLESS ALERTS Shortstaffed anyone? The DiMera compound on New Salem doesn't seem to have enough goons! NEXT ON DAYS Bo announces he will be appearing in "Flashdance; the Sequel" ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Tek continues to try all the flavored coffee at the Brady pub ... October 18, 2004 Well, he's buff an' he's tough ... but burly Bo has a very Keystone moment today when he zaps Billie unconscious, thinking she's one of them bad guys ... Doh! Eugenia majored in science and worked in a lab so why wouldn't she have known what a Pandora's box is! Come on now! Give this girl credit for her IQ already! How many times are Nicole and Brady gonna stomp and rattle through that vent, unheard by anyone! And where the heck was Tony? Jack? Jennifer? Of course, we all know where Tek, ISA supercop is - likely still hanging out at the New Brady pub, slinging back cafe lattes, shooting the breeze with Caroline and Vic ... (You're Fired!) Meanwhile, Lucas gets today's SHIRTLESS ALERT Hey! Colin Murphy is fun and cuuuuute! Bring him back and toss out Pattycake instead ! NEXT ON DAYS Sami fantasizes about Ricky Martin ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Bo mistakes John for Stefano and grabs him in a headlock ... October 15, 2004 Thud thud! How come no one else hears the Keystone Cops stomping thru the vents! Tony's goons ought to be fired! Back in Real Salem ... Mickey isn't even Mickey and what was the point of Phil and Shawnboy's bullathon??? Meanwhile, in the memory lapse department - Billie tells Hope how nice it is that she's managed to have a career whilst raising her family but until recently Hope had given up her career to raise her family, and Bonnie brightly suggests Mimi go after rich boy Shawn, but papa Bo and Mama Hope always complained about being strapped for cash - and that's a fact! P.S. Are Tek, Nicole, Rex and Phil now sharing the same white undershirt? Stay tuned! NEXT ON DAYS The viewers wake up from the nightmare and discover that Bonnie's character never happened ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Bart suggests replacing the Keystone Cops with pillows as well ... October 14, 2004 Those doors on the DiMera compound look like tin foil! No wonder Nicole's screams could be heard everywhere! What's up doc? That was some nice tan Colin was sporting after being held prisoner indoors for God only knows how long! Captivity certainly becomes Billie and Hope as well, given that they are wearing more lipstick than when they were captured by Tony's thugs and dragged off! Meanwhile, Lucas gets today's SHIRTLESS ALERT Speaking of Lucas and his upcoming nuptuals ... Sami Vs Eugenia could prove interesting but if it becomes Sami Vs Kate, that will just be older and more tired than a 100 year old lobster swimming around in the same old sea, going nowhere ... NEXT ON DAYS Shawnboy the Dark Side goes on the lam from his goody two shoes past image ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Captain Kirk shows up and claims he was the victim of a mutiny ... October 13, 2004 What is up with Sami's LOUD, forced and annoying laugh all of a sudden?! Poor Belle and Mimi - they have more problems than they think, given that they have both been reduced to wearing dowdy ponchos indoors ... and just how many days has Jan been wearing that same damn dress! If Tek is such a smart ISA/Cop dude, why didn't he tell Vic right off the bat that his WIFE is now on the island - geesh! And he also keeps pausing at the wrong places, like he's trying to remember what word comes next! How come nice mama Kate doesn't care that Rex is strapped for cash and why doesn't she just give him some or give him a job or give the poor guy a new undershirt for crying out loud! NEXT ON DAYS Belle and Mimi do a Mexican hat dance ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM John does a fan dance ... October 12, 2004 Sami was acting hysterical, self-absorbed and a tad nasty toward Eugenia today so ... Go Eugenia Go! Time for a battle of wits between these two! Heck, it might even be fun! Here a security camera there a security camera everywhere a security camera in New Salem jungle ... but where were they before??? Bo and Hope would surely have spotted them! Becoming BonJovi? Shawnboy's tresses certainly do not indicate he recently had brain surgery (as many folks have been complaining) - unless, of course, his brain does not happen to be located in his head ...! NEXT ON DAYS Jan re-names Shawn "Rapunzel"... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Brady borrows Nicole's lipstick and it explodes ... October 11, 2004 ToDAY ... Bo, though still in his flashdance top, is very Brando-esque like Stanley in "A Streetcar Named Desire", Patrick and his fuzzy beard now look very Richard Chamberlain like the naughty priest in "Thornbirds", whilst Doug appears to have traded in his Hawaiian lounge singer look for Willie Nelson's wardrobe ... (no word yet on what became of Willie!) NEXT ON DAYS Belle suggests she and Shawnboy duke it out in the ring, WWF style! NEXT ON NEW SALEM Roman accuses the DiMeras of causing global warming, then wonders what da hell it is ... October 8, 2004 Tony was never such a madman ... Be that a logic blooper or hidden clue??? (to be on the safe side, it has been placed on both pages) How come Jan isn't worried about Shawnboy the Dark Side coming across the cage or his caged memories at her abode?! Speaking of Shawnboy, he looks ready to try out for a part on "That 70s Show." Shawn Cassidy, eat your heart out! Meanwhile Brady gets a SHIRTLESS ALERT and John Black's hair continues to take on a life of its own ... NEXT ON DAYS Celeste asks her tarot cards to lead her to a better hat store ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Bart shows the gang the wrong national geographic footage, leading them to believe they are now at the top of Mt. St. Helen's ... October 7, 2004 Shawnboy the Dark Side gets today's SHIRTLESS ALERT! Speaking of shirts ... if Roman was so hot and sweaty in the jungle for the first half of today's episode, why was he wearing a long sleeved shirt over his t-shirt! And Tek's WHITE shirt ain't exactly camouflage in the dark green jungle, huh! Ouch! Brady has slept with Nicole how many times, yet he cannot recognize her scream! And if Nasty Nic loves Brady so much, how come she still sports Vic's wedding ring! NEXT ON DAYS Rex admits he doesn't know what hormones are ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM John states he is on a quest to find the mad hatter or, if all else fails, the march hare ... Roman gets beamed up to the DiMera mothership ... October 6, 2004 Patrick -aka Moses - gets today's SHIRTLESS ALERT while Bo wears a flashdance top ... Sami is one of the least liked people in Salem so why would anyone care to see/hear about her upcoming nuptuals??? Doesn't anyone at Basic Black have any common business/marketing sense?! And that's a fact! Would someone on New Salem please give Hope some food already?! NEXT ON DAYS Sami announces her great marketing idea for Basic Black - to invite everyone in Salem to Will's next birthday party ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Billie asks the cameraman to give her one last kiss ... October 5, 2004 Billie and Patrick get today's SHIRTLESS ALERTS So what's up with Hope and now Billie's shirtless-look-at-my-brand-new-bra alert - did the show just sign a contract with Victoria's Secret, Wonderbra??? "What time is it?" takes on a new meaning in the New Salem Jungle, where one second it's daytime, the next it's night, then daylight streams in again, then it's dark, etc. etc. etc. all in one episode! If Hope were soooo hot and sweaty in the jungle, she would surely pull her heavy head of hair back or up or both, to make herself cooler! NEXT ON DAYS Mimi cries ... Belle whimpers ... Phil offers to be there, which makes them both cry harder ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM John announces that the fluffy pink dart which attacked him was found to be part of an old Liberace costume and concludes that Liberace was therefore Stefano ... Meanwhile, Saddam, still locked up, refutes his claim and vows to show the world that he and he alone is the original Stefano, adding that the pink color of the dart was no more than western propaganda intended to ruin his tough guy image ... October 4, 2004 They 're all SET ...but when that Miami Vice wannabe tag team of Brady and Tek show up at "Key West", how come it looks just like the Salem pier ....??? And before they left, why did Brady comfortably barge into Tek's office, demand answers and pour himself a cup of coffee, all within the space of a few minutes! Has he taken over Abe's job now? Meanwhile, Nicole became pretty dumb today, assuming her sunglasses were a good disguise, but the newbie Keystone Cop who happily answered her questions about police business without even getting her name gets a major DODO Alert! I sure am having a good time watching this new Shawnboy; the Dark Side! Some characters in Salem are dressed in fall/winter wear, whilst others hop about town in their summer duds ... Boggles the mind! NEXT ON DAYS Brady goes looking for the "Key" on Key West, believing it must be a vital clue ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM All puffed up with pride, John has but one thing to say - "Like father, like son ..." October 3, 2004 Yes, dahlings, I know it's Sunday and the show was not on but I had a sudden mad thought that what we are watching is a show where the living were dead, then alive again, but there are those who think they are dead but a few of them will be dead, whilst in the end, there are those who will vanish and will be presumed dead ... I do believe that DAYS viewers are a unique breed! How, praytell, can we possibly communicate with those who do not understand the turmoil of our existence, whether they be living or dead ...?! October 1, 2004 Where did the fun go? Must have drifted away with Patrick's shirt! Pattycake gets another SHIRTLESS ALERT DAYS OF OUR LIVES is now a misnomer as no one on the show seems to even have a life! Today's deadbeat episode was slooooooooooooooooow and seemed to focus on two themes: Theme 1 = John and Roman are trying to find Hope who is trying to find Bo who is thought to be trying to find Billie as Stefano's name continues to be mentioned ... blah blah blah! No wonder the ratings have gone down to 2.8 - yes, it was too painful to update the ratings page. I will do it n the next few days, once I get over the unpleasant nothingness of what could have been a great week had the Tony excitement been permitted to continue ... Theme 2 = Mimi is having an abortion and her 40 year old pal Belle is devastated cos she thinks her papa's dead and her former flame thinks she is responsible for the death of his family. Talk about downer storylines. Pretty soon all the viewers are gonna need anti-depressants (all three of them that is!) NEXT ON DAYS Genius Rex decides Mimi must have gone to the dentist and goes in search of her there ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM The jungle ninjas plummet John and Roman with paper roses ... September 30, 2004 Hope and Patrick's SHIRTLESS ALERTS continued ... Meanwhile, the Shawn/Jan/Belle storyline continues to be terribly plot driven (rather than character driven), as does the Mimi/Rex storyline. Lately the lad Rex just runs around like a moonie, grinning idiotically, stating his views on having children to suddenly close mother Kate - blah blah blah! All these Mimi/Belle whinefests are wearing thin ... NEXT ON DAYS John decides to pole vault over the Eiffel Tower Brady wonders if the Eiffel Tower is in Vienna ... NEXT ON NEW SALEM Tony imprisons the gang for failing to speak with words containing more than two syllables and suggests they check out Webster's dictionary. Roman retorts that he never watched the t.v. show Webster anyhow ... September 29, 2004 Patrick, Rex and Bo get today's SHIRTLESS ALERTS Speaking of Pattycake, he certainly looks like he had a nice shower, facial, etc. whilst hanging on by a thread! Today's theme of the day seems to be conveniently talking in one's sleep, as per Hope and Belle ... Zzzzzz! Why doesn't anyone burn down a house in New Salem, to catch their captor off guard and flush him - or his flunkies - out! Geesh, I'm not ISA or a cop and even I thought of that! |
| No holds barred! For more fun, check out Lines the Viewers didn't get to hear ... |
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